There

I keep imagining what the OR was like yesterday, there. It would have been a holiday, no regularly scheduled cases, enough staff for traumas. I imagine every OR nurse/tech/surgeon already in the city rushed there, others just got on the train and headed in. I know what it looked like, the calm speed, the grim organization.

What I felt yesterday was that urge to rush there, to do my job. Impractical as that obviously is.

Thought about the staff at Marathon Sports, who fitted me with great shoes my first week there. I was suffering with plantar fasciitis, and they not only got me shoes, but gave me a discount for being a nurse, and offered good advice on how to deal with it. (Pop bottle, half filled with water, frozen, massage foot with it.) They are all fine, though.


As for my work, very slow week, so I was called off today. Well, April needs a holiday. Bombs exploded sometime after I got home yesterday. Glad to be home. I'm not an OR trauma nurse anymore.

Vivid dream. Found an egg carton with several eggs in a branch. Pulled the branch down, only to see there were birds guarding the eggs - a nest I realized. I let it back up gently. But a woman from work came along and gathered the eggs, ignoring me when I warned her those were not chicken eggs, and it was a nest. I'd retreated into in a very large version of my parent's garage. Floating black carp menacing me through the open door - angry about the eggs, even though I hadn't been the one to take them. I knew it would attack me, but I didn't want to hurt such an amazing creature. It swam in - through the air. So I grabbed my garden fork, and simply kept it at bay, with the fork facing the fish, not attacking. It darted and swooped at me, at one point impaling itself on the tines. Swam off, but I had the feeling, even injured, that it would be back.


I used to play in the garage, when it was raining or very hot. I could ride my trike around the concrete floor, watching dust motes in dim sunbeams. A quiet place. Sometimes my brothers would shut the door and hold it, and I would scream and bang to be let out. Eventually, I figured out that didn't work, and after an initial onslaught, I'd simply sit and daydream. They'd get bored, and I'd come out when I felt like it. Maybe I'd heard my mother tell them never to lock me in, so I learned that if they weren't just outside, it would be unlocked anyway.