Sides

Peeking out from 'doomscrolling.' Thinking about all the Rs going against the evil one. Glad to have them, without forgetting that they are like the Russians after WWII, useful but not to be trusted after. 

 ‘We’re on the same side here!’ 

 ‘No. We’re just on two different sides that happen to be side by side.’ -T. Pratchett.

Language

 Speaking the right language is important.  This from Rabbit in Headlights.

I think this is why we have such nice cats, we know how to listen to them, and so they trust us to respect their boundaries.

Example of belly exposure as invitation to play fight. 

"I feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here’s a very basic guide to common “mean” things cats do that actually aren’t mean at all if you know what they’re thinking.

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched

Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you! 

Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched
Does not mean: tricked you again!
Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well.

Snapping at you while being pet
Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you!
Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact
Does not mean:  I’m ignoring you
Actually means: We’re hanging out! I’m being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company. 

Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them
Does not mean: I hate you!
Actually means: You’ve failed to establish that we’re not playing, or the way you’re approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye-contact and blink slowly at me before you try again."

Wet

It snowed. 
 

Randomly

This morning I woke up to Zeppo pressed in beside my hip. It reminded me so much of Moby - who never sat on laps until we moved into the House, but liked to sit beside.  I reached down and scritched his head as he purred. Then he rolled harder into me so I could rub his belly.  I did this until my arm got so cold I had to pull in.  I think he's starting to really love and trust and enjoy us. 

 I tend to put images on my desktop, with the intention of adding them here or sending them to Dylan. I clear this out regularly, since I hate the clutter. And because I have enough IT people in our circle - including Dylan, that complain about users with a desktop full of open apps and assorted garbage, that I learned early on to keep a clean virtual desk. 

Since I've not written much here, my attention taken up with obsessive news watching in the futile hope that my penny's worth of urging will have some effect, the images have made a bit of a pile. 

So, without further ado, here they are without order or explanation. 

Float

 I'd like to write more.  Somehow, obsessively keeping up on the polls and the news is more tolerable, though. Keeping the worry down and keeping my thoughts superficial correlate. 

Part of the EMDR/PTSD therappy involves bilateral tapping, for which I now have a device like that used in the office of the therapist.  I've gotten to the point where I'm doing this on my own, no more scheduled appointments, which feels right. I've got this. But I need to keep up on it, keep practicing. The anxiety is part of my neurological system, I can't rewire completely, but I can moderate my tolerances. 

Four years ago, I had such hopes.  It should have worked out. Watching the rot and hatred threatening to swamp all the hope again is awful.  I honestly think we're going to pull this out and begin to right the country. I just can't let myself feel secure until it happens. 

So, I watch the cats and go to work and read and try with all my heart not to indulge in anticipatory grief. I try to float on the surface, without a goal other than to float.  I let the trauma and memories and fears float in, then float out. 

Sidelong

 

Got new tires today. It was not quite to critical, but well into overdue. One tire kept losing air, and this has been going on since christmas. We had to wait, and all the rubber tires are no fun with my mild latex allergy, so we walked. Tried to have lunch at an Indian place, but the waiter had his mask under his nose, even after a reminder, so we walked out. Good thing, found a really delicious wing place, and they were taking it all very seriously.  Our first time dining in since Mid March, and a new restaurant - which has a branch a block away from us. If our closer place is as good, we have one more tasty meal source. 

We do cook at home a lot of the time, but it's a chore for us to think of good meals, not to mention shop for, cook and clean up from. One of us should have been a bit of a foodie, but it didn't work out that way. Once or twice a week we support out local businesses in the form of take-out meals. 

Holding on to my hope this week.  Especially after Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, D-RI. It's all very bad, but there are ways out of this mess.  Our ballots are coming today, we'll deliver them to the Library drop boxes tomorrow.  Here's to lancing this fulminant boil. 

 It's raining, finally. 

Obviously

 Obviously.  Our former mayor, still active in justice causes, offered neighbors free signs.  We knew better than to stick it around the front garden, it will disappear. So we did this. 

It's not as impressive as the 3'X8' with spotlight sign I see every morning I drive up to work, but it's pretty good. With the debate just up the hill this evening, it seemed like just the right time. 

Eleanor and Zeppo about to wrestle.

We've been really enjoying Ted Lasso, it has the same sort of love centered decency as Schitt's Creek.  A very funny drama.

Thoughts

 For some reason I was thinking last night about dealing with VIPs in a hospital setting.  Despite all the HIPPA compliance, the whispers start, the higher ups appear with admonishings, more residents show up than usual and the surgeon tries to tell them they won't be doing anything on THIS CASE. The nurses and techs are trying to keep calm and just do our jobs, reassuring each other to just do what we always do, but with all the static around, it's more difficult. 

Let me analogize. 

You are a good driver, you are driving to a known place, you have the radio on, no problem.

Then your boss and his boss get in the front seat, their favorite celebrity and two screaming kids get in the back. Bosses change the station, one turning it so loud you can't hear, the other switches it to a different station so you can tell it's on but can barely hear it, and they argue about this. Celebrity and one of the kids are giving you conflicting directions from the back, and threatening to sue you if you don't get them there on time, while the other kid is throwing up.  You are still going to drive as well as you can, but suddenly it's gotten much, much more difficult to arrive alive. 

Gosh, don't know why I thought of this. 

Closer

He came up to be petted, very sweetly. Getting braver. 

 I know from experience that wishing never killed anyone. If it did work, my father would have died a good 40 years sooner. Having said this, I will not be a hypocrite by expressing any sadness about the dire illness visited upon the traitors and monsters. They so richly deserve to suffer.

Just to add one thing, this is far worse than the liars in chief are letting on.  Because what they are claiming makes no sense, medically.  It's like when my brother assured me our father died peacefully, of a condition that does not allow that, from a man with no peace in him. No doubt that is what brother was told, I know I've used the same phrase for family, and I know it is often a comforting story that does not reflect the truth.