DEATH stood in, what else, deadly silence. A young woman stood beside him with less predictable quiet. Until her need to speak overcame her better sense.
“Another Traveling Shop? Why is that important? They show up with annoying regularity.”
THIS ONE IS FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION. ONE WE HAVE NOT HAD BEFORE.
“But you are not here for one of them?’
NO. ONE OF THIS WORLD. BUT THIS COULD GET COMPLICATED.
A long pause. Susan looked at her Grandfather expectantly. The boney head dipped.
ALSO, TACOS.
Suddenly, there was a diner. Susan thought the sign saying ‘EAT’ was a bit redundant. They crossed the paved space that somehow fitted into this narrow alleyway in an already crowded Ankh-Morepork.
“Welcome to Midnight Burger! I’m Gloriaaaaahhhh…. Um.” The cook stared at the skeleton in a dark robe, his eyes blue sparks in the otherwise empty sockets. She had seen a lot of weird shit, but this made her pause.
YOU CAN SEE ME CLEARLY. THAT IS UNEXPECTED.
Nevertheless she found it easier to focus on his companion, and did.
“I’m Susan,” she spoke with precise authority, making Gloria fight the urge to curtsey. “Coffee, and tacos, whatever kind you recommend.”
“Sit wherever you like. Coffee. And tacos.” Gloria drifted back into the kitchen.
“Gloria, what’s up, you look a little shaken,” said Casper.
‘Yeah… DEATH is out there. Bring them some coffee, would you?”
“HHwhat??”
Casper emerged with mugs, to see the robed figure hunched over the radio. He gingerly placed one cup on the counter, his ears roaring too loudly to hear any speech.
He turned to see the striking young woman sitting at Ava’s booth, both of them whispering and consulting the notes. He delivered coffee there and fled back to the relative normalcy of the kitchen.
“No way I’m bringing the food out, Gloria.” Caspar locked himself in the restroom.
Gloria sighed. When she delivered the plates, noted the two conversations, and likewise decided to avoid listening. Or couldn’t quite hear them?
Two very short, but heavily armed, heavily bearded figures walk in.
“Got any rat?” Said one.
“And ketchup?” Asked the other.
“Yeah…. sorta. Have a seat.”
“Oh, hey Leif, could you take coffee out? Casper is… in full freak out. This is gonna be a weirder than usual day, I think.”
“Feh, I eat weird for breakfast.”
“DEATH is in conference with Zeb and Effie, I couldn’t make out what they were saying. And a goth… teacher? Is at Ava’s booth. Eating my tacos. Oh, and two Lord of the Rings dwarfs showed up. I was wondering why there was nutria in the walk in. Plenty of salsa. I’m guessing rodent is rodent, right?”
Leif blinks. “Okay. Ok, fine.”
“Wait, death? Gloria, how? What?”
“Seven foot tall skeleton in a dark robe, left the scythe outside, which was thoughtful, yeah, looks like DEATH to me.” Gloria plated the rodent in red sauce, “Take this out to the customers, please, Leif.” She turned away, and Leif shrugged and accepted his fate.
“Ahnthroupourmorphic Personificateeeon, you say? Well, my word, that’s aaastonishing, isn't it dear?” Intoned Zebulon.
“Yes, yes it is. The robe is a really beautiful shade, and flows so nicely, I must say.” Added Effie.
THANK YOU. IT IS RARE FOR ME TO GET PRAISE ON MY STYLE. I AM NOT SURE WHAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE, YOU ARE NOT SUBJECT TO ME ENTIRELY, BUT I CAN SEE YOU. THIS IS INTERESTING.
“We are not clear on this point, either, our existence is a bit of a conundrum.” Zebulon agreed.
Leif skirted by, as “Po Lazarus” played on the radio. Two dwarfs seemed the most relatable group. “Gentlemen… “
“We are both female!” They both extended a booted leg to display heavy leather skirts.
“Oh. My apologies, I should have realized. Humans, amiright?” This seemed to modify them, as far as Leif could tell. He lingered as they tasted their meals, and he watched their eyes light up with delight.
“Wow. Best ketchup ever!”
“Lovely rat, really good.”
“I’ll extend your compliments to the cook.” Leif turned and was met with a double glare. “Ava, what… can I get you? And… um…”
“Susan.” Susan said.
Leif, resisting the urge to check his fly, poured more coffee in both mugs. “Susan. Welcome to Midnight Burger. Can I get you anything?” This last said in a rote monotone, as Leif struggled to regain his usual confidence.
“Leif, Susan here can read my notes.”
“Hm.”
“Why do you think that is?” Ava continued to glare. As did Susan.
“Mmmm…. Magic?”
“Sure. But what kind of magic? Sufficiently advanced technology, or something else?”
“I thought you were the wizard, Ava.”
“Don’t sass me. Go check your thingamajig and tell me what universe we’re in. Shoo.”
Leif sauntered away, self-consciously, and the two turned back to each other.
Within a very short time, the diner is packed with… let’s be generous, people.
“Leif, this is the best day, they LOVE my hottest dishes. And the singing!”
“Gold, Gold, Gold on repeat is a bit too much like Truskan singing, but yeah, it’s enthusiastic!”
“Thanks for breaking Casper out, we needed him at work.”
Casper burst in. “Taking the door off was a bit extreme, Leif.”
“I’ll put it back on.”
“I want to know who is gonna die today. Not happy about this. And the Mucklewains are not helping playing all the Dead music.” Casper stomped out with a loaded tray.
The front door banged open, the sudden silence shocked, too long to be the Octarine bell tolling the silent hours. Followed by Casper saying “Oh.”
“Casper?” She rushed to clasp him, a wreck of something emanating great age and distress.
“Ex? What happened to you?”
She let him go, and crumpled to the floor. “I’ve been around so long. I can’t go on. I found myself here, and the magic has permanently changed my… being. Help me.”
“Of course, anything, what do you need?”
“Kill me, Casper.”
The Ur mob currently in the diner said… “Oooo.”
One of them said, “Ook.”
“You once promised you’d teach me to be human. This is the most human thing of all. I have to die.”
YOU HAVE A SOUL, IN BOTH REALITIES. I CAN ONLY RELEASE YOU IN ONE. THAT IS WHY I AM HERE. YOU WILL DIE TODAY.
“I believe I can assist with ushering a soul into a heavenly realm.” Said Zebulon.
“I have a soul?”
“Well, if souls exist at all, of course you do Ex.” Casper said.
“Ok then. This is gonna take all of you, I think. Magic, science, religion, all of it.”
“Iron axes?” The two dwarfs chime in, “good against most magical force.”
“Leif, go get the laser saw. And anything else you can think of.”
“On it, Ava.”
“Ava, a little less gleefulness about killing my best friend.”
“Sorry Casper, but this is now a problem that must be solved.”
A yell from Gloria of “Get out! No one with fur in my kitchen!” An orangutan bursts through with a panicked “EEEEeeeek!” grasping an empty pickle jar. Followed by a furious Gloria wielding a spatula. He places the jar between Susan and Ava, then disappears under the booth.
“Aw, Gloria, you scared him.”
Susan picked up the jar, “This will work, as a place to keep at least one of those souls.”
DEATH stood by Ex, and nodded at the radio. Effie played “I’ll Fly Away” by a gospel chorus. And Zebulon began.
“And the panoply of angles came down to usher the souls of the anointed into Paradise. Our prayers will sing the praises of our sister as she ascends to God.”
A great cacophony as weapons and magical words spiral around the Ex, and a great sigh erupts into a musical chord of immense complexity.
DEATH swings the scythe, Susan holds out the jar, and something has been completed.
The diner is traveling. Casper is at the furthest booth, tears in his eyes. Gloria brings him coffee and a donut, and sits down.
“I know. I know. But to see her suffering like that, Gloria. That…”
“Yeah, I would never ask you not to grieve. I was just wondering where her soul from our reality is.”
“Gloria, I can answer that.”
“Effie?”
“She’s here with us. Only for a while I think. Sleeping on our sofa. Casper, she looks so peaceful. Zebulon laid his favorite afghan over her.”
