Philosophy

 I think I may have broken a rib in the initial fall. At one week, searing pain under my arm, and a pointed bruise. It's now a wide bruise in the axilla. Whole ribcage feeling rattled. 

Happy Fucking Birthday. At 63, I know I'm not that old, but it's the oldest I've ever been. And to be this age and broken is discouraging. While the government, and not the only one in the world, gallops into fascist oligarchy and corruption. 

Having a hard time getting my head in a better place.  Philosophy failing me. 

Tender

This was a bad day. My balance was off, and I nearly biffed it several times. Stopped and sobbed several times. Pain breaking through several times. 

I have an account on Spoutible, which is very well run, and a great source for information in these times. One Spouter gives daily writing prompts.  This is what I wrote today. 

 Crowded in among the others on the boat, staring into darkness, ice rimed her heart. The ship had taken so many down with Her. Some begged for rescue, now lost. If they survived until dawn, they would row. Now, a ragged hymn to death swelled, a tender song to uncertain endings.

Struggling to keep going today. 

spasm

 Fractures are never just fractures. The bones are covered with tissue that is part of the tendons, which are part of the muscles. It all connects. When disrupted, it all has to heal. 

The pain overall has been manageable. At this point, as long as I'm not doing anything, it's mostly none at all.  Until a muscle spasms and pulls on the whole network, or a nerve comes back online. It is intense, but does not persist very long. Bumps do not feel good, as when I rolled over to Trolly Square to look at pretty things yesterday. So tiring, a week doing nothing and I have to work up to physical exertion again. 

The world gone insane is beyond me. I cannot run or march. My mind is slow and easily distracted. The years feel heavy, although my patience is rich and thick. I wait, I watch, when an opportunity arises, I will act.  Doing what I can now, which is supportive. I will not be afraid. I am angry. 

When I sleep, it is solid and deep. My dear one is struggling, this on top of everything is too much. But he is here, and we are together, taking care of cats. 

Process

 Injuries involving broken bones are generally high enough energy to send a shock wave through the body. This mean that although the worst damage is obvious immediately, over the next days and weeks, other effects will appear.

Yesterday, an intense burning under my arm and across the upper side of my chest, announced itself. I checked, and yes, there is bruising. I imagine that was from the handrail that I'd been holding. Other bruises appeared on the non-broken leg. As well as various other random places. 

Healing is a process. 

Stitches

Seems like I have to let google in if I want to add photos.  So, probably will just have words. Fuck google. 

 The block has worn off, and the pain set in. This is my way now. The way through injury and suffering. A primal path. 

This is the week before my birthday, and it's always been rough. This year has a special intensity due to this injury.  Once the day is past, it doesn't bother me much. 

Yesterday, I planned to venture out today. But snow and pain say, wait, not yet. So I defer. 

They gave me an advent calendar of non-opioid drugs, 

I've reached out to everyone I can, multiple text conversations have held me up like threads. Stitching me together. 

The bruises are dramatic. 

Ankle

 Today I sit with my foot up on the seat of my knee scooter.

Yesterday,  the Foot&Ankle surgeon I schedule for at the VA,  put my ankle bones in place with plates and screws at the U hospital.  Since I'm not enrolled at the VA, and Workers Comp doesn't play well with VA really even for employees. And my surgeon preferred to do it at the U, since he knew he'd have everything he could possibly use.  My old OR, and vast majority of the people there are great. 

Last Thursday, the elevator was broken when I headed down to clinic, so I took the stairs.  On the last flight, while holding the rail in my right, and a cup of tea in a covered thermal cup, my foot slipped. Ankles should not be floppy floppy. 

I proceeded to holler, partly because -ouch- , but partly to summon assistance. Which arrived very quickly, hospital people being who they are. Primary care, 4 of them with a wheelchair. They managed to get me up the stairs, and to Emergency. 

So, what I'm saying is, I might be writing here a bit more over the next 8 weeks. 

So, how are you? Anyone still blogging?  Other than GZ, hi gz!