Kingdom

“Royalty was like dandelions. No matter how many heads you chopped off, the roots were still there underground, waiting to spring up again.It seemed to be a chronic disease. It was as if even the most intelligent person had this little blank spot in their heads where someone had written: "Kings. What a good idea." Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees.” - Pratchett, Feat of Clay.

Trapping

 Thursday got both cats to the vet for wellness checks and distemper shots.  Sat in the car with them, vet tech met me outside and took both in.  Eleanor in her harness, which has the effect of keeping her pretty docile.  As we waited she enjoyed the sun on the back seat and napped.  Zeppo was in the carrier wrapped in a small blanket. Because it was the only way I was able to secure him alone. Of course Dylan was working when this needed to happen, and after being off work so long and the difficulty of making the appointments, rescheduling either was out of the question. 

So. I closed as many doors as I could* and cornered him with the small throw blanket. He hissed, but once I held him he did not fight. I kissed his head and assured him he would be fine and would come back home. He made not a peep after that, our operatic cat.  Vet tech told me he was so scared, and he hid for an hour after coming home, but bounced back much quicker than previously. If anything, I think he was a bit braver by the next day.

Eleanor a little hesitant about getting in the harness to go out, but the lure of her spot in the garden was stronger.  She rolled on the sidewalk, then crept under the pushed-over sunflowers (to keep them from blocking the driveway) and stayed in her bower until I had to pick her up to go back inside. She got a good hour. 

*The House has lots of doorways, many probably had doors up to keep the heat trapped. Most of these are just open now, although we do have a number of spare doors. Mostly this is good, but makes trapping a skittish cat a bit of a challenge. 

Central

 Things fall apart, this is when we learn. This is when change happens. And pain, destruction and grief. 

We hold to the center. 

Bugger

 Thirty years ago, I despaired. I'd failed and wanted nothing more than for it all to end. I didn't know that real love waited ahead. I had no inkling how much my life would grow into a life worthwhile. 

I'm feeling much the same about the world today. And I must remind myself that none of us know the future. What changes may come. 

RBG would not have us throw away the boost she gave us. 

Bugger the bastards. 

Collision

Yesterday I mulched a bunch of the twigs and small branches, wearing safety glasses, long sleeves and pants and gloves, as well as ear protection.  Got a good pile done. 

 "For a long time now, every meeting with another human being has been a collision. I feel too much, sense too much, am exhausted by the reverberations after even the simplest conversation. But the deep collision is and has been with my unregenerate, tormenting, and tormented self. I have written every poem, every novel, for the same purpose - to find out what I think, to know where I stand. I am unable to become what I see. I feel like an inadequate machine, a machine that breaks down at crucial moments, grinds to a dreadful halt, "won’t go," or, even worse, explodes in some innocent person's face."

 - May Sarton
Journal of a Solitude

More Therappy today, and a useful insight.  Above a too low threshold, I redline without realizing it, and it reads as out of control and angry.  It comes from my past which seems a long time away, but my nervous system doesn't sense the lapse of time. It sees threat and stomps on the gas. I really do attract bullies, and give them energy, and this is the key to learning how to deflect them instead.   Emotional judo, the art of invisibility. 

This part of my life. 

I still felt shame that I didn't fight back. Today I realized I'd made an excellent tactical decision. That fighting back would have been stupid and wouldn't have worked.  Today, I was proud that I survived.  

That those reflexes that once saved me are damaging me and those around me today. They only work intermittently anyway. 

The air of impending doom is dry and mucky orange. Praying for rain.  I don't know what I'm praying TO of course, but the supplications flow out anyway. 

Humming

 The grocery/department store two blocks away has an escalator. I was riding up, and a group of what looked like high school age kids riding down. Three were black, the first guy shouts out "Black Lives Matter!" I smile a little, and notice they all have a power fist up. So, I give them the power fist. Two of them nod, I nod back, we are past each other. 

A small thing. 

Restarted therappy for the cptsd, which is hard. Realized how much I value bravery in myself.  So when I'm not brave, it's not good. 

I salvaged more of the pine/fir branches from the fallen tree across the street, as mulch.  And patched my neighbor's half drive in front of his house from the bag of concrete he let me salvage from his chimney repair. 

Zeppo crowding Eleanor. 

Roses and hummingbird trumpets.  Missed a photo, but got to watch a hummingbird this morning. 

Down

 Walked over to the park. So many trees down, large limbs, and this is after a day of city clean up.  Some went one way, some the other. 

Downed

 Yup, 112MPH (180km/h) confirmed.   This just from a walk around the block. 

Hurricane

 The wind roars, gusts like hurricanes, trees dance and fall.  A scouring wind, pushing cars and people back and forth. Electricity cut off, lines trailing along. These winds happen, usually along a strong front, whoosh through and rush away.  But this wind started last evening, waved through again in the wee hours, then right as we were finishing setting up the ORs for an 0800 start that never happened. Reserve power kicked in, went out, then generator only. And still it roars, and may until morning. 

We tidied up, salvaged what we could, and got supplies ready for tomorrow.  The drive home slightly less scary than the drive in, but more trees and branches down, and traffic lights out. My driveway full of leaves and branches crunching under my tires. After a brief break, I went back out and cleared away the worst of it, compost and mulch for the garden, later. 

Our tree in front is healthy, and seems to be having fun. 

SALT LAKE CITY — Hurricane-level winds blew into the state Tuesday morning leading to power outages, downed trees and wind damage throughout northern Utah.

The National Weather Service officially reported a wind gust of 99 mph in Farmington and unofficial reports at the University of Utah had the gusts as high as 112 mph. The Salt Lake Airport had gusts of 70 mph.

Thousands of Utahns lost power due to the strong winds and schools throughout the area were closed. 

Varnish

Summer heat lingers

Pulling back old paint, varnish

Erosion season.

Made a photo of some of my tea stuff for another site. 

Zep

Still here.