Squish

Eleanor not giving up an inch.  Zeppo making do. 

We took this out, it's on the porch. A local charity is picking it up sometime in the next month. It works, but it's wasteful, takes forever to heat up the oven. The open flame thing we could also skip.

This, though. Wow. Easy to keep clean. The spanakopita (frozen) came out better than ever. The 'burner' will take some learning. All of this is going to mean learning different ways to prepare food, and that's ok. 

The new HVAC* is in and working. Hard to tell, really. It's not that cold outside, and it's certainly not hot either.  It's got a heat pump, which is what works now - so the furnace isn't blasting. 

*Heating Ventilation Air Conditioning - heating and cooling. In this climate, the cooling is almost more important. 

 

Convection

 A couple of years ago our AC went out, the guy who came to fix it advised us to start saving for a new system. We did, but life took some unhelpful turns, and that stash is not really impressive.  A couple of weeks ago we got a letter. We qualify for several governmental programs to replace the HVAC,  a more efficient system, rebates, and a 72 month interest free loan.  After due diligence to assure ourselves that it is not a scam, we are getting this done... today.  The total price is about what we were advised it would be, and since it was going to have to happen - better planned ahead. Rather than as an emergency on a holiday weekend.*

I've been thinking about the coal furnace I grew up with. Real coal in my snow people's eyes babeee! I knew how to rattle the damper and stoke the furnace, and never wondered why my winter boogers were black. They changed to a gas stove when I was in my teens, because the price of coal doubled from one year to the next.  Sadly, we will not be converting from natural gas to electric, but at least it will be more efficient. 

And last week we were browsing a local kitchen supply store - lots of gear, it's oddly fun. And spotted a portable induction stovetop. Which started another whole conversation about conversion away from gas†. We looked at tabletop convection ovens, aka air fryers. And how we cook. And how we never liked the oven we were left with by the previous owners. It takes 20 minutes to heat the oven, for instance. We looked at convection ovens/induction stovetops - which were not only expensive - but according to the guy at Lowes - almost impossible to find yet. So, we floated our idea of just the two small components - which he assured us made good sense.

Now, it's just a matter of getting rid of the old gas stove. 

And the steep learning curve as we figure out new ways to cook. 

The house is in a bit of an uproar, which feels like preparing to move, and I'm finding it not unpleasant. It's been a while since I've packed up all we own, this is comparatively nothing. Doors open to mild weather as the guys tromp in and out. Not entirely sure what to do with myself, but it's also an excuse to do nothing on my day off.  Which... is not a bad thing really. 

*Which is when these things always happen.

†Gas stoves/ovens degrade indoor air quality. Since we already have it bad enough with our inversions all winter, this is critical. 

Close

Eleanor: (sigh)

Eleanor: Must he?

Eleanor: I need some 'nip. 

Eleanor: If he shoves past me again, I will wallop him.  Again.

Zeppo: Oh, look!

Eleanor: (sigh)
 

Tricks

 

April being April, with intermittent snow, rain, mild and bitter together. So Eleanor stays on the heating pad, and sometimes Zeppo hangs out next to her. He doesn't seem interested in the warm, just her. 

The garden continues to bloom, fade, bloom, not looking impressive for photos yet.  Everything coming up amid the mud, though. 

Spent a long time yesterday removing sutures from the fingers of a guy who got caught up in Table Saw Season. He had no pain tolerance, so I pulled out every old nurse trick, lots of talking, listening, checking.  They were not easy to remove, being all encrusted, over 20 in the end. His wife distracted and talked to him throughout - not always sweetly - but effectively. He was an old-style misogynist, not cruel or extreme, just offhand and stereotypical for a guy his age. I kept working, telling him what I was doing, gentle but unflinching. At the end - he checked, which I invited, and I had missed one. Once that was out, he checked again - very thoroughly - which I again encouraged. That time it was good. 

They left with thanks for the time I took, and the care.  Apparently he'd gotten stitches out last week for a different surgery from the total joint resident, and were -- a bit difficult. So I stepped in on Friday to mollify. And because the clinic nurse was running the clinic, and the MDs can write their own damn orders in a pinch, I was the least essential person there. And the LPN was not paid enough, and being my grey-haired-obviously-senior self, I had the gravitas to make them think I was the best qualified. 

I like being able to come in as the Experienced One, even if I'm not actually, but I damn well look the part. They feel reassured, and that's half the battle so often.  They do pay me enough to deal with this sort of thing. 

You know how I was taught to take out stitches? I was in OJT for the Army, they showed me the tray of instruments, and said "Go take out those stitches."  So, I did. 

Clearing

CLEARING

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is yours alone to sing
falls into your open cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to the world
so worthy of rescue.
 - Martha Postlethwaite

Tipped

 A year ago my life tipped over.  And I despaired and grieved, but walked away.  And struggled and wailed and gnashed my teeth.  I also endured and persevered, and accepted all the help on offer, and there was so much from so many people with kind hearts and good advice. 

It feels a lifetime ago, now. 

I've learned so much.

I've healed so much. 

I don't miss the OR, or the pain, or the people who caused me grief. I did not have to waste all that knowledge base laid on over two decades of experience. 

I can deal with the ones who blame me for their own choices, because they are my job.  But I also get so many who try, and appreciate, and help. 

I'm catching on. 

I'm being paid enough. 

I work with good people doing their best. 

Last year, I needed not to assume it would be better. 

But godsdamnit, it sure is. 

Compassionatea

 

A few months ago one of my schedulers called me to the reception desk for a frustrated patient.  He'd been pushed between the ED and podiatry, was blatantly called a drunk, and was getting the runaround.  He'd fractured his ankle, showed me the (rather dramatic and very clear) x-ray on his phone.  I got my ortho docs involved, took him in the wheelchair down his PCP, and everyone made it happen so he got his surgery. 

I knew from the start that getting him the right treatment had to be done, and that the guy was going to be a pain and never thankful for any of it. Not in an over the top way, never outright assholish, but he was in recovery from alcohol abuse, in the halfway house on the VA campus, so he was starting from a long way back. What we refer to as squirrely.

And sure enough, he never made any of it easy.  But (unlike the podiatrist) everyone in my department treated him with appropriate care and dignity. His name came up for follow up this week. I hope he's doing well. 

This is what we are there for. To take care of people, irrespective of their cooperation or appreciation. We rain upon the just and the unjust. Nothing they do should ever make us less kind, less compassionate, less helpful. Certainly, because it is easier, we do go out of our way more for the ones who are cooperative and appreciative. Put the one who is contentious and prepared to the front of the line, into the slot vacated by the one who failed to be ready or flaked out. 

If someone is pouring out tea, the one holding the teacup right side up will get more tea than the one who flipped it upside down and starts screaming it's not fair. My job is pouring it out, not holding their cup in the correct orientation. 

Wool

 As long as I remember, I've had a foam pillow.  Latex or whatever manufactured substance to make foam. Memory foam for many years now.  And it does support my wonky neck. But recently, as we look to remove the degrading and eventually disposed of plastics in our lives, I looked up what natural fibers are best for night sweating and still supportive. 

Wool pillows are a thing. Did a bit of research, and although certainly not cheap, they are comparable to our stained and starting to smell artificial pillows.  Last night was the first try, and I'm very happy about the results.  Dylan is still asleep, so I'm guessing it's a Yes from him as well. (He has his own pillow issues that these will hopefully address.)

They are different, and after a lifetime of the other sort, it did take a bit of adjustment. I've used feather and other fluffy but not supportive pillows. The kind you have to roll up to get under the neck, in hotels, and in the Army. But these have a lot more heft, they don't just collapse when I put my head on them. My face didn't sweat, my eyes weren't being squished from the side. 

And they arrived in paper and cardboard, without any plastic bags or excess packaging or padding. 

I'm considering the last third or quarter (depending) of my life as a time to spend a bit more for life-stuff that will last to the end.  A robe that will last 30 years will likely be the last one I'll need. Spend a bit more now, while we can, and get it to finish out the day.  Winds up being less expensive per. And I can just repair good stuff, when plastic breaks or degrades, there is nothing to be done for it. 

See: Vimes Boot Theory

Not trying to be morbid, but this is the phase of life I'm entering. For now, I'm making decent money, when I retire, it may be a bit thinner. And I'm still buying green bananas. 

Cruelest

“Well, you know my philosophy when it comes to cats, babies, and apologies, Coach. You gotta let 'em come to you.” 

— Ted Lasso

Tired today, yesterday was full, and I missed one big thing that I will have to take care of Monday. I addressed it in the morning, but was put off. And when the (ir)responsible MD was there in the afternoon, I was doing three other jobs and forgot. 

I did make my Foot&Ankle Fellow think I was psychic at one point, but that's just my OR-Ears that apparently still work. It's one of those skills, that amid the white noise of all the hums, alarms and beeps, one learns to know what is important, what voices saying what things just cut through. I've grown them and adjusted them six times for different ORs. Apparently they work just perfectly for clinic. I heard a couple key phrases from the exam room, I looked up the pertinent data, wrote it down and discretely handed it to the Doc. He was suitably impressed. 

Looking over my April posts from last year, and got a bit misty. I really was in terrible shape.  And all of you were so amazing and supportive. 

The attending yesterday was telling me I wouldn't recognize the place - which works fine for me. I feel like I got out just in time. And for all my distress, I am in a much better place financially now. I was holding on to that job so tightly - because I thought it was all I could do. And I wasn't entirely wrong - finding a new job first would have been wise - but I didn't have the energy or imagination while working it to find the right job to move to. Still took me nearly 4 months to get hired again. 

Funny though, I can't even summon up any anger about it. None. 

Reading about the full-blown-q-anon spouse of a certain judge, who was caught up in a cult as a young woman. Cults are always a thing, but were pervasive in the 'flower-power' crowd. My brother was in one, may still be. My eldest brother had a soft spot for all kinds of fringe movements - including pyramid power and Amway. There must be something in how their brains work that make them susceptible, because they keep joining then rejecting then finding a new one that feeds that belief addiction.  I have to wonder if it is exacerbated by the disintegration of strong religions in that era, and it manifesting today in the over 70 cohort. Lots of factors, certainly.