My insight of the day. I'm a powerful personality. I've admitted as much before, but at core, I didn't really see myself that way, didn't believe it. In so many ways, I'm still that helpless child under my father's rage. No one listens to me, no one could be threatened by me. I'm so deeply shy and afraid, beneath the learned competence, who could really find me that strong? Today, after talking with the counselor, I can finally see. I'm not the little dog, tail between my legs, beaten and whimpering, often as I feel that way. So when I bark in fear and defense, I'm the bull mastiff, the Great Dane, and I am scary. As Bullwinkle says, "Don't know my own strength!" And I don't. And I'm the only one who can channel that for good, not evil.
Scales falling from my eyes.
When I got home, Moby needed attention. So the cats at the shelter will do without me today. Paperwork and forms and fiddly bits of data to collect. Because even if I learn all the lessons needed to be good where I am in this job, long term, I need a different kind of job.
And a nap.
12 comments:
I've always thought you were righteous and cool.
I am the antithesis of a powerful personality, most of the time. Comes with being a gemini.
That pesky change of perspective, how we see ourselves, how others see us.
Naps are vastly underrated.
I have been told so often that I appear calm and confident that I have to accept that I do. But it's on faith: nothing could be farther from my self-perception.
Bravo!
I've always loved Bullwinkle, haven't you?
Thanks so much for the sweet Happy Birthday wish you left for me. I had a lovely day. It snowed!!
(o)
Growing in self-knowledge is a difficult thing. The dangerous part is if it ever stops.
....and sometimes we need someone who does not know us to help us know ourselves...
yes , someone to hold up the mirror.
...and the personal strength, deep within, to look into it.
To put it in LOL-cat-speak: "Purrsunal strength - u haz it in spaydz!"
There's a certain amount I can identify with in this too. Good to see scales falling from eyes.
P,
Ditto.
PP,
I'll just have to half believe you.
Dale,
I get that completely.
PT&E,
Rained here, which will also do.
RR,
Yeah, I think I kinda stopped for a while, which is where the rot set in.
H, Rosie,
And will tell us bluntly.
Crow,
Maed me laff. At work, and worried a surgeon. So, all good.
trou,
hard truths are pretty universal.
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