Got bit by a cat today. Had on the rose gloves, or I'd have been hurt much worse. If I hadn't cut off the tips of the index fingers, I'd have been safe, but I need to feel that much. Total feline freak out, with no adequate warning. Washing the finger, soaking in cayenne, will be able to have a hand surgeon take a look at it tomorrow, if necessary. Staff were wonderful, and they had to net the cat.
I seem to have created a Chaos Ball, sucking in misfires and distress wherever I go. This is not external bad luck, this is all some lack of proper attention, some ingrained strain, some maladjusted behaviour. This does not expunge the reactions and complaints and mismanagement of others, but their error negates none of my responsibility. I can guess when I picked up the Chaos Ball, though I don't remember doing it. Like a rubber band ball, I'm sure I added to it gradually over the last few years. Like a rubber band ball, it bounces erratically, which is part of why I didn't see it for what it was. My mis-reactions have been intermittent, which fooled me into thinking I was the same as ever. Calm in a crisis, strong and capable and steady. Only, I'm not that anymore. Not reliably.
I only wish I could just find another job, that the world wasn't going through the same thing as me.
Alert, Brave, Cheerful.
Fluffy puppies, fluffy puppies, fluffy puppies*.
*Grant's positive imagery from the Mythbusters angry vs calm driving myth.
6 comments:
damn. Hope your finger is okay! xoxo
(0)
(O)
Take good care of yourself, Zhoen. There's truth in what you said about cumulative PTSD. Knowing that is the key to a job that is right for you.
Dale,
Finger is healing well, reassured at work by one of those medical experts that if it looked good at 24 hours, I'd be fine. It has even stopped hurting at this point, no sign of infection.
I love that Crow always leaves a BIG stone.
am,
Yeah, even if I can sort this to a reasonable level, I need to find a different kind of job ASAP. A friend loaned me Talking From 9-5, Deborah Tannen, a book about how men and women communicate at work. I am sure my talking style is a huge part of the problem, in terms of getting up people's noses, particularly women. The difficulty handling crisis is more straightforward, if perhaps less treatable. We shall see.
It never rains but it pours.......
Post a Comment