Nothing

Waiting in a strange place, approached by a friendly preacher, barely into my twenties, trying to be polite, I was forced into a wrong sort of answer.

He spoke of his Baptist faith, and asked me what I was.

Not wanting to give offense, not wanting to even answer, and never fast with my mouth under pressure, I said "Nothing."

"If you ever want to stop being nothing, you come to my church!" and gave me a card and a patronizing smile with condescending pat on my shoulder.

That's not what I meant, of course. With a lot of thought, I stopped being an apologist for the church given to me as a child, and figured all institutionalized regulations of spirituality were prone to the same limitations that estranged me from such codified definitions of the ineffable. I have never found any experience to change that basic understanding. Eastern religions seem to have more practical methods on how to experience how life works. But I will never call myself a Buddhist, for instance, because that involves accepting their dogma and ceremonies. The deep set gender divisiveness of even formal Taoism further alienates me from the idea of actual conversion.

Religious folks tell me I can't cherry-pick, faith is not a buffet. I can too. Why not? As long as I don't profess to be just one Thing, I can eclectically chose the universal ideas that fit and reject those that seem tied to their cultures.

The older I get, the more sure that I have found my way. Not that there is a path, nor that it brings me any comfort, but I am at ease with my life as it is, knowing it will end, and that is all and enough. If the stories and comforts get others through, who am I to challenge that. I have, after all, nothing more than my understanding as proof. I can hardly pin people down and demand that they define god, what can god do, not do, what is the nature of your god? Record every one, make them all listen to each other's answers and ask them to question their shared faith that probably isn't shared at all. Wouldn't change anything.

I'm not a hostile atheist, no worshipper of orthodox science. Not a matter of belief, after all. I read the data, the results of experiments, learn it, accept it as the best understanding now, and wait for more data with an open mind. I work in medicine, I know bloody well we have not got everything figured out, and eloquent arguments were long made promoting spontaneous generation*. Facts are often not discernible by reasoning and eloquence, they often inelegantly bugger up everything previously understood to be true. I love the process, gather more data, try again, and again, try to duplicate a result. A Book that says, it is written, it will always be, feels like a dead end to me. Justification not to change, in the fearful.

Religion has to be an evolutionary advantage, which I love for irony's sake. It keeps the mean and lazy from criminality in many cases. It demands obedience from those who would undermine a society. It gives glamour and aspiration to the best of us. Unfortunately, it gives corrupt leaders the entitlement to wage war and indulge bigotry, and the ignorant and disadvantaged are more than willing to relieve their distress by attacking scape-goats.

And it leaves a few of us out in the cold, disillusioned and resigned, unable to see the magic once the man behind the curtain is glimpsed. Still wanting to live a good life, be kind to those around me, gaze into the liminal spaces, see everyday miracles everywhere.

Those of you who believe in the teachings of your church no doubt think me wrong. So, if you've stopped by recently on the recommendation of a mad priest, this is my Full Disclosure Statement. Please take conflicting arguments to your own bog, feel free to leave a post saying, "I've got my response over at my site." Treat my viewpoint here as you would if I voiced it in my own home, as I would be of your thoughts in your own home. Disagree at length elsewhere, please. Thank you.






*Abiogenesis is another matter. Messy stuff, life.