No work Monday, so I scheduled a car appointment. Get the oil changed and the tune adjusted. Thinking about how car trouble throws me into an unwarranted panic. The thought of being out on the road with useless equipment and no way home, or crashing, instantly overwhelms my mind. I've never started a trip of more than a few miles without imagining disaster on the freeway.
This is not entirely out of the possible, which is why it's hard to see as unreasonable. But as cars have gotten more reliable, even if the traffic has gotten worse, my response has not adapted. When we watched old episodes of Rockford Files, I strongly noticed how cars fail regularly on the show, at least momentarily. I vividly remembered how cars of that era, often took several tries before starting up. And a car out of commission meant not just not getting where we were going, but me holding a worklight in a cold garage while my father swore at me.
I didn't mind having to walk to school, although it was a substantial walk. It was both parents upset, over the expense or the difficulty of repairs, that made life more unstable than usual.
Just being in a car with my father driving was frightening enough, and I was there three times when he was in accidents. My mother was driving when she got rear ended by a teenage driver, but she was a very good driver and that one didn't bother me as much. My father drove too fast, and badly, and angry and (very rarely) after he'd been drinking.
So, going to get our little Fit in shape. So we can do a trip in May. While I manage the anxiety. Stuttering a lot this week, not sure why exactly. Could simply be that haunting happens most when I'm short of sleep and psychologically vulnerable.
6 comments:
Do you have a cell phone? I remember when CB radios came out that I was much less worried about taking a "road trip" than I had been previously. I was a "L'eggs Lady" and my territory was Northeast Oklahoma, Southeast Kansas and Southwest Missouri. My CB handle was "Crazy L'eggs" and I felt less afraid out on the highways alone five days a week with the CB blaring continuously, giving out traffic and Smokey reports (locations of highway patrol cars) and just general conversations with 18-wheelers (semi-truck drivers).
Nowadays having a cell-phone can at least let you contact a wrecker service or the highway patrol so that you're not stranded out in the middle of nowhere. However, I realize that Utah is pretty barren and that it may be difficult in places to get a signal...
Back when I was younger we didn't have much money and usually our cars were at least second-hand, if not third- or fourth- or fifth-hand, and breakdowns were not only possible, but sometimes probable. My father was not very mechanically inclined, but could usually fix most emergency-type things -- after all, he did own a truck stop in his twenties and thirties, so he at least had a working knowledge of the gasoline engine and he made sure that maintenance was done on our vehicles, whether he did it himself or had one of his employees do it. That timely maintenance made all the difference.
class,
We get a disposable one for trips. Still, coverage. Anxiety is not amenable to reason, btw. Inherently irrational and out of proportion.
My father could fix cars, but it took a long time and a lot of anger directed at innocent children.
(O)
Ugh, cars + anxiety.
I simply never got a driving license, which pretty much takes care of it--I don't feel anxious as a passenger. (I also never wanted the financial anxiety of paying for cars either.)
I do wish I could take my own driving trips though--I love those!
Where will you be going?
Fresca,
Growing up in Detroit, not driving wasn't a viable option. I didn't want to learn to drive, but couldn't get out of it. It's been useful over the years, but I've never enjoyed driving.
Just out to Dinosaur Nat'l Monument again. Take some hikes rather than see the wall of bones.
I'm fine with driving.
I'm taking the van to the garage tomorrow so they can switch the tires, from winter to summer. I could do this myself and have done in the past, but I haven't the time any longer for such things.
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