Dark

Long, cold* day, now dark, no photos. Tired, but Moby chasing and power-sliding and up, down, everywhere. On skype with mother & brother, Moby sat on D's lap as he watched an episode of Morse. Cat has been eating more, wet food in particular. more awake, sitting on us more, more engaged, curious, active. He seems to be really enjoying the larger territory. This cheers us when we feel we can't do one more thing. Set up is proving rather trying. As expected, but it's different anticipating and actually doing. Not harder or easier, but more real - the actual experience.

My sinuses much happier since the move. Far less dust. But we knew, there was less dust in the basement than we got in the apartment in a few days. The Neverending List is part of our lives, and that's fine. Good for the brain, a new challenge. Difficult building the reserve again, happening slowly.


Thinking a lot about my childhood fear of the dark. The shadows, the inexplicable noises, the unknown. I remember the fears in House, so many dim greys in the darkness, creaks and cat thumps. I feel the impulse to panic, without urgency or insistence, just a distant understanding. The fear is far away, I am comfortable with uncomfortable silences and the unknowableness of existence. I am at ease with strangeness, contented to face unspeakable terrors around the corners. I'll take the katana and iron frying pan, and defend my realm, my home, my territory. Or not, as the case may be.

How very strange this all is, to finally have a House AND home. There is a qualitative difference. I don't think a condo would have been the same, really. My plot of earth. My garden-to-be. My problems, plumbing, projects. My responsibility, my realm to defend and protect. My cat, my beloved.

The most important last, and first.




*I usually don't mind the cold at work -far from it, I'm usually warm, today it felt icy all day.