So much of my life the prime virtues were to be Smart and Useful.
And I embraced this, became capable and reliable. It was my value as a human - to be knowledgeable and quick.
These aspects of myself are crumbling. I’m not as sharp as I once was. My brain is stumbling, and I will no longer be a nurse after Friday. I will no longer drive, the car will be rehomed.
So how to I find self worth? Because I don’t even want to be Useful like that anymore. And my mind is singed and exhausted - nothing much I can do about it that I’m not already doing.
But, Kindness has been growing in me. I can expand my natural Curiosity. I can be slow, and gentle with all who surround me.
My wit may fail me, but I can spread peace. My heart can soften with compassion I was not capable when I was young. Radical love for the whole damn suffering world.
It’s an old person’s role, to drop the burdens for others to salvage. I am just starting on this final chapter, there is much to be done - but no hurry. It will all happen as it should.
4 comments:
🌞❤️🕊️ Good to hear from you
You have worked hard for many years and have paid the price for it. Now you can think of yourselves and live at the pace you want...and relax. And maybe write a few more words?
How are you both, and cat and garden?
Congratulations. And how good of you to share your thoughts here again.
Give yourself, time, to let go, to rediscover yourself without the work/earning pressures, to find your new place and your personal purpose. It took me a year. You have worked hard, you deserve to take all the time you need as you begin this new chapter.
What a beautiful, thoughtful post. There comes an age where we must reinvent ourselves, reframe, realign. I'm finding myself at an age where retirement is on the horizon. My job has never been my identity, maybe because I completely switched gears at 40, but I too am pondering who I am and, more so, who I want to be.
Your shift sounds small, quiet, lovely. Congratulations. Enjoy the peace.
Agnieszka (too lazy to log in on this particular piece of tech)
Post a Comment