Turned in my badge and cleared out my locker and cubby. E, the office manager stayed with me*, told me she was pissed about the whole thing, and gave me a long warm hug. P, who is the only staff there longer than me, was teary eyed along with me. J from SP came and hugged me so long I was a little afraid for her. So, I got to say a few goodbyes, and that will do. I have phone numbers and will need references, and who knows I might have a gathering here when I'm bringing in income again. Who knows?
I kept assuring them I was ok, I would do fine, maybe a bad thing for a good thing. Felt like they were more bothered than me. It's all sad and hard, but it was the right time, even if not a graceful exit. I've done worse with more witnesses. Fell on my face, fell on my wrist and broke it. I mean, maybe I do need to be out of there before I wind up with a concussion or worse.
My OR shoes really are very comfortable, it's more noticeable on wood floors... . I kept my cloth hats, for now anyway. I may give them away once I know what I'll be doing.
I let the nurse who was going to cover a shift for me in May know, since she would be expecting the paperwork this Friday. She was amazingly supportive, which doesn't surprize me. Most nurses really are this way, which is why the other kind are so shocking.
She pointedly didn't ask, but I told her why anyway. Let others learn from me. I don't see any point in keeping it secret, even as it shines a harsh light on me. I put it thusly:
Some of it was my own physical pain, I thought I could make it to 62 and retire. More was investigating me because I pushed a hand away while turning a patient prone, and the person with the hand saw it as a slap, and it all rather snowballed. My own inability to use my words in a situation with so much going on, and a person lacking situational awareness, bad combo. I decided to take it as an opportunity to do less physical work, not be analyzed for my ‘behavior’ again (taught by old OR nurses, that early training really sticks) and take a little unemployment insurance that I have never used in 40 years of work.
I wonder when I'll find out the oblivious, arrogant aide has gotten fired, if I were to bet I'd say within the month. I expect I'll hear. Irrelevant, of course, moot. Always best to let Fate mete out retribution, never jostle her arm.
*Which is probably policy, but it protects me as much as them, so I accepted it without comment.
8 comments:
"...maybe a bad thing for a good thing."
That's my take on it, too. As always, wishing you well.
Accept the exhaustion, relax with home and garden. You've done an incredibly brave thing.
That was brave, and hard.
New paths will open up.
Take time to rest now!
am,
I'm breathing easier already. It's hard, but it's the right action.
RR,
I will always take a hard truth over a soft lie. I'll never be the OR nurse I was, better to go do something else.
Gentle,
Resting. Letting it settle so I can see clearly.
hugs, friend. relax into spring, coax the little green plants out in your garden, pet the cats, enjoy the sunshine, and take the time you need. you will find something.
Oh, yes, take that unemployment cash, as much as you can. You certainly deserve all those hugs, all those tears, all those kind words and thoughts. It was my experience many years ago that there are a lot of nice people and a few real jerks out there. Rest, garden, pet your cats.
Sounds like it's time for a hugely deserved rest; time to enjoy the things that matter most. Hope the change treats you well, Zhoen.
(O)
You are strong. Just remember to be gentle with yourself now and enjoy your home and being with your loved ones. Spring is a good time to make a change, I think. It will all clear up for you, dear Z! I love that you mentioned the comfort of your OR shoes on wood floors!
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