They are accustomed to each other, and willingly share the same space. Company, if not exactly friends. Still, so much of our lives are simply not minding the people around us, at work, in public. These two seem to have come to agreement.
At work, there are three people who have recently or are going through divorce. It's sad, but better than living with irritation and dismay when love and safety were expected, promised. I don't know if I would have divorced for that alone, would have endured my life and waited for an ending, had it not turned worse. Better, to be able and willing to chose to end the relationship, however painful, and try again, or chose differently at least. Marriage is only as good as the people in it.
To imagine my life without Dylan, just to fulfill a promise I did not understand making when I was so young and inexperienced, is dire. Marriage should be closer, should involve real friendship, mutually satisfying companionship. Whatever else it may be to the couple. Loneliness in company is miserable. Loneliness when there was supposed to be love is an eternal empty ache.
The cats know we love them, and they (in their cat ways) love us.
Love at home.
We went out to Adib Rug Gallery, just to look and admire. It was slow, and she asked to help. We knew we were going for the lowest end. The two men turned the piles of rugs, and we watched guiltily at their work, given that we were looking at the cheapest ones. We found a half dozen dhurries we could afford, several we liked. Many of the expensive ones I Oooo'd and Ahhhh'd at, I have a pretty unerring ability to spot the most expensive ones. My taste is good, even if our budget isn't. They treated us as well as anyone coming in to drop thousands, were given a discount from a recent sale.
Shifted rugs around when we got home. The green, yardsale rug was, as we suspected, too tempting to Moby as a piss-place in the dining room. So, it's up and out of temptation. Not sure what we'll do with it. Alcohol killed the odor in the spots, but there really isn't another space for it.
Photos when the light is better. Today is grey, gray, with an undercurrent of dingy drab.
3 comments:
Meaningful.
But, what does it mean?
I mean, really.
my husband just came to drop off some things and pick up some things. we have been separated since i ran away from texas last november. didn't really want to blog about it. was too busy finding myself again. but what you wrote rang true - our marriage ended when we stopped being friends. it's sad, and it still hurts to see the pain in his eyes (because i was the one who left, even though he was the one who found someone first) and it hurts that we had so many good years and then it slowly fell apart. but now, now i know i'm where i'm supposed to be and things are better. much better. love is the main thing, and even there, i love him still, although no longer as my partner, but as someone i spent two decades with and parted without much bitterness (on my side at least).
sorry about the stream of consciousness... caught me at a vulnerable time.
i'm glad to be reading you again. it's always so thoughtful.
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