Reading with deep feeling the O controversy. D says this is why he thinks we do, as a society, need religion. These people who cannot conceive of being decent people without a god demanding it of them, or of morality without coercion, need religion to be passable humans. I think this is perhaps a bit cynical, and probably accurate. I'll stick to agnostic atheism.
Took Moby out when I got home. He stopped at the porch, crouched to stare at the mass of birds on the lawn and sunflower remains, up in the hedge. They scattered up, to his disappointment, but intense attention.
The purple flowers, not sure what they are, doing their bit, among the dry flax.
Next year, more flowers, more peppers - all sorts. Will try pumpkins.
Three days of hot flashes, riding the waves. Feel like I could strip paint with my hands when it hits. Taking them as a weirdness, without judgement. Even at night, I wake up, then the heat sweeps over me, and I think "whoah, that was somethin'." Like waves in the ocean, I feel levitated, engulfed, momentarily off my (hot) feet, powerless, waiting to touch down again. What a long, strange trip.
Oh, and this from Futility Closet,
Two or three of them got round me and begged me for the twentieth time to tell them the name of my country. Then, as they could not pronounce it satisfactorily, they insisted that I was deceiving them, and that it was a name of my own invention. One funny old man, who bore a ludicrous resemblance to a friend of mine at home, was almost indignant. ‘Ung-lung!’ said he, ‘who ever heard of such a name? — ang-lang — anger-lang — that can’t be the name of your country; you are playing with us.’ Then he tried to give a convincing illustration. ‘My country is Wanumbai — anybody can say Wanumbai. I’m an ‘orang-Wanumbai; but, N-glung! who ever heard of such a name? Do tell us the real name of your country, and then when you are gone we shall know how to talk about you.’
– Alfred Russel Wallace, “The Aru Islands,” The Malay Archipelago, 1869
9 comments:
Your flowers look like a variety of Lobelia.
As for the other things - ride out the storms.
Never easy, but sometimes necessary, to go to the worst places. Hugs.
I guess in such situations we do the best that we can with what we have. That you may have buried this is likely for your own protection.
I don't know anyone personally who falls under that religious category, but I do know there are all types out there in the world.
My cat made a small hole in the screen of our back door big enough for him to pass through.
My wife has a fairly large uterine fibroid that the surgeon said could be dealt with by myomectomy or hysterectomy and a good friend of ours said that if she went hysterectomy she'd likely enter menopause faster. Even before hearing the advice my wife decided myomectomy. The procedure will happen next year, the scheduling less about physician availability, more about our own plans and waiting for the right time.
I used to downplay childhood trauma by pointing out I was never burned with cigarettes.
Like--wow!--so much to be grateful for.
Re Oprah
I recognize such mushy thinking:
I sometimes find myself in the weird position of insisting to a religious person that while I don't believe in God, I do think "God" MEANS something specific.
It's not just a sound we make that is interchangeable with "Hello, Trees!"
Moby must be very spiritual, to show such interest in birds and hedges. :)
Love the quote! If I don't recognize your reality, it's not real. (Oprah, again?)
i sometimes do not realize the brokenness of my own heart until i am reading your blog.
likewise i sometimes find myself in the place where i am both validated and pained by someone else's validation of the not-okay-ness of what happened.
i sometimes do not realize the brokenness of my own heart until i am reading your blog.
likewise i sometimes find myself in the place where i am both validated and pained by someone else's validation of the not-okay-ness of what happened.
RR,
That sounds right. I forgot as soon as I put them in last year. They've come back a treat.
Jean,
Getting the full tour these days.
Phil,
A myomectomy can be a very good idea, all the supportive tissues supporting that part of the world can stay supportive.
Fresca,
It shouldn't be that much of a comfort that some have it far worse. Moby is our household god, which may mean I am in that small way, a deist.
flask,
Those are the gaps that let in the light. We all ache together, and find it a finite quality.
For some reason I didn't see that previous post before. I sometimes think I never fully understood how thoroughly and horribly a parent could abuse a child without actual physical violence until reading your accounts. Most certainly not 'not that bad', and I think you were absolutely right to walk away from your mother's continuing denial of it.
Much love, and good courage.
Lucy,
The physical stuff, if it could occur without the emotional abuse, would probably not be so damaging. It's the words, the contempt, that are the real damage. The physical abuse is the extreme, the tip of a far larger problem. Certainly an escalation, and can lead to even worse harm, even death. Any kid who was physically abused, suffered the same kinds of emotional abuse as I experienced as well. And that is the crap that is so hard to get out of one's head.
Bruises heal, having a parent so completely out of control in control of a small child, wanting to beat on them, that doesn't heal. Whether or not the hand lands. If there is actual physical abuse, that just grinds it in deeper.
Post a Comment