Potential

Walked in the cold air yesterday, dry and biting. Took a second, harder look at Potential House, and are still positive, waiting. Agent seems to think we could hear by christmas, and that we have a good chance. Trying not to get too carried away, but deciding to hope - just for today. We are feeling very cramped. D gashed his head on the corner of a shelf trying to clean up, nothing like a stun from a head bonk and bleeding to make one want just a little more space to move. He put away all but one guitar because he's exasperated at worrying about damaging them in such tight quarters.

Our agent, who is not the one who has listed the house, met us there, and was impressed. Complimented us on having good eyes. Well, after so many apartments, especially looking at rentals in Boston, we are pretty clear on what we can and can't live with. We know ourselves pretty well. A (wo)man's just got to know h(er)is limitations. To paraphrase.

The not-selling-points for us include, single paned windows - lots of irregular sizes that would not be readily converted. Honeycomb blinds are probably the best solution. The fireplace is real, not gas or electric, so we would have to cap it and put in an electric insert. I am not dealing with smoke and ash and cleaning the creosote out of a chimney, risking fire for the sake of romance and a nice smell. When I was 20, sure, not now. Forced air heating in this climate is expensive and very drying, we plan on adding radiant heat to warm individual rooms. And some fans to avoid the cost of central cooling all through the hot summer. The ceiling fans in two rooms are simply dust catchers, since the flickering induces migraines and nausea in me - no matter how effective the concept is. We will need tools, like a snow shovel, step ladder, garden hose, and whathaveyous. We will want first a washer/dryer, since I really don't want to schlep all our clothes to a laundromat - again. The driveway is narrow, and shared with the house next door. There is no on street parking in front of the house. No screens on any of the windows. I'll need to invest in netting, so we can open them without letting the cat out.

None of the above are deal breakers. They are consolation sour grapes if the deal is not accepted. Because I walked around the place with a silly grin at the space, and the wooden floors and closets and light and flow, and the bathroom better finished than I'd remembered. It's a process, with no guarantees. All I can see is how well it would work, so I force myself to notice the problems.

We are doing this ourselves. With advice, but no one to help in any material way, no one who would help is in any position to do more than cheer us on from the sidelines. Scary as that is, there is a wonderful sense of accomplishment and satisfaction to be found. Our decisions, our work, ours to claim utterly, mistakes and all. No one to apologize to for our losses. Sink or swim, to either enter of blissful tranquility of drowning, or the elation of success. More likely the relief of treading water, long term. Honestly, I think I would be a lot more worried if it all seemed perfect. I am deeply suspicious of apparent perfection.

Yes, I have learned to be very detail oriented. It's the job.