Nothing like going from zero to frantic, vacation to work. Back alarmingly spasming Monday afternoon, night, next morning. Did all the stuff I could think of to help, and by last night, doing much better indeed.
After a serious injury, it's very easy to overreact to pain. Doesn't make one tougher, it makes one more sensitive. Is it going to be as bad, this time? Should I get treatment now, before it gets worse? The most frightened patients are the ones who have have a series of recent surgeries. Not that they less cooperative, just more skittish, tearful, worried. We can learn to cope with the extra dollops of apprehension, perhaps finding an accepting wisdom, but the fear stays. Visible often only in the face of further pain, a repulsion to the idea of more of the same.
Damage is not for making us stronger. A broken bone is weaker, ground up cartilage is gone, scar replaces torn muscle. We heal, but never to where we were. Nothing is ever as smooth, as well laid down as originally grown. We get better, we repair ourselves, regain strength, but marked and changed.
In return we may get rid of our arrogance, and learn compassion. We may have more patience, acceptance of our humanity and vulnerability. That does not come automatically, but has to be wrung out of the pain, extracted and distilled.
6 comments:
(o)
I haven't ever really known pain to the degree that some have suffered. There was a stubbed toe and a sliced finger in recent memory, both of which were painful in the moment but then that passed.
I don't doubt that in your field you are privy to varying amounts of pain daily.
Phil,
Yeah, I'm talking an injury that will permanently alter function. Broken bones, torn ligaments, removal of an organ in whole or part, head trauma, nerve laceration. Herniated disc in my case. Most people keep it brave for family and friends. Then crumble a bit for us, because the anesthetic drugs lower their defenses.
Yes.
My own, highly limited experience, is that one can become very tolerant to acute, agonising but ultimately minor pain, perhaps furnished to an extent by the knowledge that it will be comparatively fleeting.
Whereas the longer-lasting pain of a more serious nature, even at the points where it has been relatively dull/muted, has resulted in a greater sensitivity - the greater need to protect yourself, to avoid needlessly putting yourself through it any further.
Oh Z, this post hit a nerve. You're so right. I wanted to slug the people who told me that what my mother was going through would make her stronger.
trou,
We do become inured, but not completely. That wall falls so easily if it's hit near the old wound.
Rou,
It's what those who have never so suffered tell themselves to distance themselves from such pain, so much loss. It's how we want the world to work. But abused children are weaker, sick people have fewer resources, and those in chronic pain are always trudging uphill. Life isn't fair, but we can still love it and wrest wisdom from it.
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