Photos

Off Friday, due to medical conferences, surgeons all there. Next week shall be hellacious busy. It all evens out, unevenly.

Dealing with a young, dramatic, woman at work with a three month old, who is spouting all the cliches about parenthood. "It's different when it's your own." And yet, there are plenty of abused children with their "own" parents. My mother told this to me, often, often. And it always made me feel... odd. Strangely disregarded. That the genetic connection was more important than who I actually was. Cow-orker claims she's a great mom, and all I can think is, after three months? And then, well, only your daughter has the right to decide that, about two decades on. Her judgement the only one that means anything, in the end.

Same person wants to take photos of everyone for some display for our manager on her 3 year anniversary as our manager. And I prefer not.

I generally don't like photos taken of me. Part of me does believe that excessive photos of oneself does steal part of the soul, thinning it out, flattening it to two dimensions. I prefer to take my own, as I can chose and adjust them, and I control how they are displayed. What I told her was, "I prefer not." She tried to tell me, "Oh, you know you do! You're beeeyoootiful!" Well, that's not the point, and I won't argue that, but I do not have good personal feelings for a manager who tried to fire me, no matter that she took care of me when I split my lip. The dark cynical part of me only saw that as a precaution against lawsuit. Manager gave me a pink birthday card, with shoes and purses on it. Gack.

I did not refuse permission for my photo, I simply did not give it, and expressed my preference. So when she added "Everyone else is!" I told her that didn't work on me when I was 13, it certainly isn't going to work now. I've always been pretty resistant to peer pressure, even when at an age when I was most susceptible. I walked away from the large family of children down the street when they got overbearing, even when they were the only children to play with on the block. I was taught to walk away, and I always have. I've learned to do it more gently, more politely, but no less certainly.

Eventually walked away from my toxic family. Trying to push me really doesn't work.

Still grieving for the lost friendship. I really cared, do care, for her, and I really don't understand. But she had every right to end the friendship, for every reason, for no reason. I suspect it had more to do with her having her family visiting her home over the holidays, and I'd picked that moment to complain that I had to ask her if something I'd sent had shown up. Or, maybe we'd just gotten tired of each other's bullshit, and it was just a matter of time until we called it basta. I don't know, and it makes no difference. But I am still sad, and at a loss. Part of me never wants another female friend, but I know that's unfair.