Unobtrusive

We need a vacation. What we are getting is mostly a vacation, with a wedding at the start. Not our idea of a good time, especially since we have always taken our vacations in May and February, not July. But we like the couple, and are happy to show support. Somewhat randomly, I came across, and have read obsessively over the last few days, the site Etiquette Hell. Not just about weddings, although as this society's last, most traditional and formal occasion, weddings do take up a huge proportion of the stories.

The issue today was about young children being used as flower girls and ring bearers. And I remembered that I had been put in that role when I was (perhaps?) five. As the only female relative of my cousin on my father's side, perhaps it was 'expected.' A cousin from her mother's side, a little boy a year young than me, was assigned the role of ring bearer. I have no memory of being asked if I wanted the job, but I clearly remember in the car home being told I would have to have my hair cut. My mother had agreed long before to allow me to grow my hair long, and I could about put it in a little pony tail. But for some reason being in the wedding meant I had to have a "cute little pixie!" I felt betrayed and lied to, and given no options.

The only thing I recall about going down the aisle was dragging the poor little ring bearer along with me, feeling responsible for him. And later, how much my shoes, and the headband, hurt. The dress was very pink, but had a lovely fluffy shirt, that I was not allowed to twirl around in or play with. There were inflatable reindeer at the reception, and the boy was given one when he asked for one at the end. So I thought it only fair I should as well, and requested another one. Big mistake, since asking for something was a cardinal sin in my mother's eyes. The bride, my cousin, give all credit, overrode my parents' ire and said she HAD offered the toy to me, that I had not asked for it first. My parents didn't quite believe her, but could hardly say so to her face. I stuck to Cousin Bride's version, not being above lying to my parents.

This may be part of why I never had any desire for a 'fairytale' wedding. Strangely, despite my experience, I never thought about the appropriateness of children participating in weddings before.

D's brother and future SIL are lovely people, and old enough, not to indulge in the sillier excesses. Their invitation is artistic and tasteful. And they never even asked if either of us would be in the "wedding party" bless them. If they discussed the possibility among themselves, they surely came to the conclusion that we would have politely and firmly held in our hoots of laughter and said no, thank-you, no. No.

As soon as we were told the date, we booked our flight and I put in for the time off work. Found out after we'd also planned for our hotel near our friends the hour's drive away, that we were also invited to the rehearsal dinner the night before and a family reunion the day after, and that there were reserved rooms at the local hotel for wedding guests. Oh well, we will be on our vacation hanging out with our friends at that point, and I can't get that earlier day off now. BIL shrugged, no biggie, just glad we could make it for the wedding. SIL's extended family flying in from all over is the main reason for the extra events, anyway.

I'm a footnote, at best, and very happy to be so, and want to be appropriately, pleasantly, unobtrusive.