This is the house where I spent the first couple of decades of my life. I told D it is not as spacious as it looks. He laughed, but I hadn't intended to be funny.
My sense of alienation is pretty complete. I resent that I, as the newcomer, became the scapegoat. That my manager who "feels so bad" can't see that she could have both helped me, and expected that the complainers put effort into making a competent worker welcome. That eccentricity and social awkwardness are now sins too terrible to accommodate. That by encouraging complaint, she creates the very hostile work environment she claims to want to eliminate.
I'll get out, I'll find a place where I can be myself without being criticized, where my work speaks for me. Yes, this is defensive rationalization.
Bugger 'em.
Oh, and Sky's amazing comment, commentary.
9 comments:
Sounds like your having a shit time. Hope things work out for you.
Came by Trousers blog, and couldn't resist leaving a comment to someone who lives in Salt Lake,as it's so out of my world.
(o)
Do what you need to do, Zhoen. If that means defensive rationalization, then fine. Mind you, expecting a manager to do her job seems perfectly reasonable.
Very best wishes.
Glad you liked the message from Sam the Man, Zhoen. I figured looking it up would offer you at least a few moments of distraction, if not amusement.
Wow, Beckett as a nurse -- now there's a fabulous vision. Incidentally, his mother was a nurse, and the protagonist of his novel Murphy is a male nurse in a mental hospital. So perhaps you and he have even more in common than writing and misanthropy. ;-)
Speaking of which, here are a few sympathetic words from another wonderfully misanthropic writer, Charles Bukowski, as delivered by Faye Dunaway and Mickey Rourke in the film "Barfly," for which Bukowski wrote the broadly autobiographical script:
[Henry has just slid onto a stool next to Wanda's in a skid-row tavern in L.A. They've never seen each other before. She somewhat slurredly addresses him while gazing straight ahead.]
Wanda: I can't stand people. I hate them.
Henry: Oh.... Yeah?
Wanda: Do you hate them?
Henry: No...but I seem to feel better when they're not around.
On that note, I wish you a lovely day, and I retreat to my solitary cell (which my husband calls the Hole-in-the-Wall Hermitage), until next time.
FB,
Welcome and thanks.
Pete,
Reasonable don't enter into it.
So,
That made me laugh out loud.
Dale,
(hugs back)
yes, in regard to my last comment - it is much easier said than done when i say i hope you won't let the anxiety get you down. i hope you will tell yourself whatever stories you need to hear to keep moving forward and focused on finding a happier and healthier work environment. whatever helps you move through this and into a work life which feels more comfortable to you is what i wish for you.
anger/irritation can be a force which moves us forward in ways that despair can't. one thing is for sure...we are all happier working in places where we feel valued. your competency is valuable, and there is a position somewhere that will offer you rewards for it. trust in that.
a good manager works with staff to identify problems and find solutions. seems like mediation might have been a good first step in problem resolution here, but she didn't make that choice. ultimately it is her loss. right now you may feel like it is yours. after you find that job you will be happier doing you might look back and see this as a blessing.
I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties. If it weren't for co-workers and the petty personal politics, work would be much easier, no doubt.
{{{hug}}}
Bugger 'em indeed, mate (excluse epithet but you sounded just like a cockney rebel there).
Your friends here say good things.
Your "sins" may be appreciated as virtues yet.
"eccentricity and social awkwardness"
Sounds like half my co-workers. Sounds like me.
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