Yesterday I missed the wordle, just bad luck choosing letters. So when I got home, Dylan tried it, and got it in two. I watched him with absolute delight as he put in the correct word, made my day. I also got one in two this past week. Strangely, it was both nice, and a bit of a disappointment to get it so easily - much more satisfying to get it in 4 or 5.
It was also a day that felt like a lot of progress, I had a lot to do, and accomplished pretty much what I'd hoped to. Figured out a snarl that I hadn't even seen before, that will make the re-organization of clinic designations a lot more effective. Sounds boring, but it's really an essential piece to keep the right patients getting the right care in good time. It took this long for me to understand the process sufficiently to correct it.
Of course I worry for the world. But it also feels like a tipping point. The time to lance the boil, amputate the limb, the infection has declared itself, and there is no question about the next, drastic, steps that need to be taken. Nothing will be the same, after.
People demand to know why the side that is trying to do good is "so bad at messaging!" There are at least two reasons for this. Good people do not think like evil people, and assume that most people are good and doing the best they can. Good people trust that everyone else is just trying to do the best they can with what they have. This is an essential part of what makes up good people.
The second major problem is that good people don't have the power of fear and anger to crush the other side. If they did, they wouldn't be good anymore. Humans respond more to violence and fear because those are immediate threats - it's a core Survive-right-now instinct. Good things can be safely ignored. Immediate threats have to be put in the center and fought or run from in a way that chronic threats do not. All our stories are about monsters and violence, fear and loss - because that is when we need stories the most. Malignity comes in many forms, we must be able to see it and fight it. And that is obsessive and addictive, all that rage, all that horror, and it's easy for evil people to misdirect us, send us after the wrong enemy.
Beneficence is... well, boring. It always looks pretty much the same. That it feels better, allows us to think and find joy - means it's much harder to talk about, harder to share. Because Good isn't the opposite of Evil. Good is a balance of forces. Evil is the extremes of violence and submission, both but without stability.
It's why I will never write a decent novel, I keep taking the conflict out of it. I want to soothe, and make every character's life better, just as I do in my everyday. I genuinely do not get angry anymore, not like I used to. I had my father's rage in me, for so long, but it's run out now. I feel the sadness, the frustration, the fear, but it doesn't turn into anger anymore. Burned out that circuit, apparently.
I have no time machine, I can't go back and un-mistake. I have to take it from here and make the best I can of it. Learn the lesson and proceed to work the problem. Press the error into my brain, find a way to avoid it in the future, and move on.
It doesn't make for a compelling story. Makes for a better life, though.
Yes, that is a heating vent behind Zeppo's left shoulder.
3 comments:
The story of your life with Dylan and the cats and all that came before and is happening now is a story that I keep reading with gratitude. Today you've put into words what I have not been able to put into words. Yes. Good is a balance of forces.
am,
It's a lovely journey we are on. With horrible bits, but such is life.
Mmm, heating vent.
I like your descriptions here. If I'm not trying to outrage you, my message will be a lot less noticeable than someone who is.
I wonder if you've ever read the Elemental Logic fantasy books by Laurie Marks. Lots about good/evil/violence/balance with the main characters striving to make a livable world for every person. First one is Fire Logic.
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