Training my brain to filter what my eyes bring in. This is the process for learning lots of new software screens and what to do with them. It is not unlike learning a new OR, which I have done several times. Where stuff is and what is there, and what to do with it. I'm learning swathes of protocols and processes, like learning to do crossword puzzles or sudoku. When I get it, when it gets easier, it's really satisfying.
Yesterday, I was struggling to spot what I'd learned the days before. I knew I'd been shown, had even done it, and everything was semantic satiation*. Today, rowed into smooth water. Still have a long way to go, but broke through yesterday's sense of being pushed back upstream.
Got to pick up my issued scrubs†, a nice slate grey, very comfortable. Uniforms are my refuge, one less thing to worry about. What shall I wear? Not a problem. They have nice pockets, too. I do not have anything like "business casual" - even by the eccentric standards of the VA. But I felt badly dressed, and self conscious about it. It was a small thing that I really think made a big difference. Reminded me of Basic, the first week spent in Reception Station, getting paperwork in order, and only at the end being issued uniforms. Another time my own clothes were inadequate to the situation, both in style and function against the cold.
The garden is a bit miffed and dry, feeling neglected. The sunflowers have been broken down, which I thought was some odd person, until I saw a squirrel actually climb and weigh one down. Oh. Oh, well.
The sunflowers have gone utterly mad. I know I thinned them out in the spring, really I did.
*Learned this term from watching Ted Lasso.
†Five sets, I wear them in to work, and take them home to wash. Free. Although I suspect I'll be turning them in someday. Fair enough.
5 comments:
Bravo! Progress is being made. Your psyche is calming down. One more time, bravo!
Cat,
(bows)
I cannot say how much calmer I am. I needed out of the other job, by whatever means. And needed the time to heal and reset. It feels like another lifetime, now.
Such good news. You've been through so much to reach this.
A good challenge being mastered.. satisfying.
RR,
It was just an ordinary case of burnout, but it's hard to see from inside it. This is my space to lay it all out and say "poor me! alas!" I try to keep my whining for this space. Thanks for not minding, and providing sympathy.
gz,
It really does fit in my brain well, sort of living Tetris. I'm also fascinated by the stories I get to read in everyone's charts. These are people with complex medical histories. I've had to wonder, "So, what are we seeing them for on this appointment? What needs to be x-rayed this time?" Because it's often not clear, with multiple potential injuries or areas of degeneration.
It's not callous, and if you are in that situation, you want someone who considers the complexity - well, fun is a bad word, but it's kinda the best one. We can have compassion and still enjoy the process of teasing it apart and working the problem.
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