Defiant

There seems to be something brewing, might break through tomorrow. This is what is keeping me from shattering. That, and getting sleep and enough time off during the time change. A solid week of nothing to do I didn't want to do. Which involved fixing the tub drain, pulling weeds, not cleaning the house much, turning compost, removing windows, cleaning the car.

Projects are much more distracting and reassuring than daily chores.

We are making new friends, the Game group came by on Friday. Dylan's work friend and his wife who I like very much, came by last night. Not easy to find friends these days, but we are finally making it happen. I think maybe it never was, unless in small communities. My parents didn't have any, only family and nodding neighborhood/church acquaintances.

The house makes all the difference. House likes company. House loves us, and wants us to be happy.

And this, to explain why I'm taking all of this so personally.

As a child, I was experiencing a world where there was no emotional safety while being consistently told that I had a beautiful and happy childhood and that I was ungrateful.

Defy.

I knew what I knew. It couldn’t be erased. Being defiant does not make you difficult. It makes you resilient.

We know, we see, we defy.