Unimaginable

Long, long ago, I was a page at a local history and genealogical library. I got books, microfilm/fiche, newspapers/maps for anyone filling out a slip. A basement, and two sub-basements of material, a vault, and the main reading room with balcony. I understand it was pretty useful. I just ran for the paper, and put it back after. Dust everywhere. I often thought, never said "THEY ARE ALL DEAD!" Which made up for in accuracy all it omitted in politeness.

I was never much interested in my dead relatives, since I knew damn well I didn't much like the ones still alive, with a few exceptions. What I would like to know is where my genes traveled from, if I really am French/Belgian and Irish and Iroquois. Not the individuals - who I most likely would have disliked, but the paths that led on.

Thinking about how bright and funny my mother's family was. How brilliant Uncle Walt, how witty my many cousins, aunts, uncles on that side. Fucked up people who had no clue how to raise children, alcoholics and generally unstable, suicidal and manipulative martyrs en masse. But, oh, they were wits. Educated or not, they joked and told stories. Loud and raucous and warm, with prickles.

Dylan's father asked for my information to look up my ancestry. It's a Mormon thing, which I am cool with. If he figures his god can cope with their catholicism, I say have at. But FIL hasn't said a word since, which vaguely worries me. Not for myself, really. But that he realizes how far down his son has married.

This Friday is the 25th anniversary of our activation, which we count as our own. Of course, we are both working, me on Friday, him on Saturday. We will shift and settle on whatever day we find. May do my roast duck on Saturday afternoon/evening. At the Hong Kong Tea House, not home cooked, mind. I tried that, and it almost worked, but not well. Rather have it done properly. That our relationship begins the onset of the current cold war is a bugger. We are doing our best to be on the balancing side. Calm, cooperative, amenable. We are not fighters against each other, we discuss and find a place we can both agree.

I could never have imagined such a peaceful existence when I was growing up amid such conflict. I am blessed beyond comprehension, nevermind mere words.