Obey. This is nearly as good as the sign that led me to D. I'd gone in to chat with the CQ, Colin, during drill. A nice guy, and I'd met him several times getting paperwork in order. Behind him a sign, "DO NOT READ THIS SIGN." I laughed, and asked "Where did that come from?" He pointed to a young man in green with short hair, and said "Him." My first conscious awareness of D, before - he was one among the throng of young men in green with short hair. Not exactly falling in love, but certainly tripped a little.
We'd gotten up to toddle off to bed, when we returned to turn off lights, there they were. And stayed for a good long time, we figure.
We were happy enough that they got each other running, not hurting each other, a certain acceptance. Anything else is gravy. Continued thawing, gradually becoming companions.
It's unwise, I think, futile certainly, to base one's happiness on two other people's relationship. To need other members of one's family loving each other to feel complete is a risky choice. Hard enough to depend on one other person to be happy with me, and he him. Presumptuous to try to create a relationship between several other people, none of whom is oneself.
Nice when it just happens, when those you love enjoy each other, just can't create it, nor expect it, certainly not demand it, force it. My M&FIL so want their five sons to be besties, and it ain't happenin'. I've met the eldest once, and I can't abide him, in part because I figure anyone who would ever hurt D has a deeply flawed character. The rest because he strongly reminds me of my own oldest brother, the salesman/recruiter/believer/teaser. His other brothers are good people, but with very different interests and lives.
I'm flanked by cats, which is becoming regular, but no less wonderful.
5 comments:
So true, you cannot force the nature of other people's relationships.
It's wonderful for me that my sons now seem to like and respect one another. The signs were not always thus!
I think demanding civility of people who have to live together is reasonable. Anything else, not so much. But that image of happy families is alluring, wanting the people you love to love each other is understandable. And kids, learning who they are and how to navigate the world, are not going to do this consistently, even if they like the other person.
Glad your sons got to that point. Your restraint from trying to force no doubt helped.
i love the sign! and the other sign story.
i wholly agree with you, but it's so tempting to really really WANT your various beloved to like each other. i'm pretty lucky in that for the most part, but then again i know when to back off. reminds me of my SIL (who is one of my favourite people ever) who so very badly wanted her family and her previous in-laws to form a unit, and it was never ever going to happen because my FIL is a dick. it made me sad to watch her want it so much and fail.
then again, i acted as a matchmaker to one of my best friends and a really good friend, and they've been together for over a year now and showing no signs of stopping - still, this is almost certainly the exception rather than the rule.
pc,
Indeed. Although my point was more along the lines of demands and expectation. It's always preferable that the people you like like each other. So much easier that way. If only everyone would just shut up and do what we want, eh?
(o)
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