Attitude problem,
A struggle to keep going,
So tired, don't wanna.
This is a week I could have used a holiday, but there are none until the end of May. Hoped to get off a bit early today, no chance, there until the bitter. Have to take my BLS class tomorrow, then go to work. I've been doing CPR pass off since 1988, and although there have been changes, improvements based on data, I've kept up. The updates should take an hour at most, not five. But I am a month past the lapse, missed due to the move and our office manager got no notices that I was late - as she usually does. Ultimately my own fault, but there were circumstances.
Letting go is an awkward process. The right one for me, of that I am sure. I will not be compared to my abusive father, I will not accept the blame for how I was treated as a small child under his control. They are free to see it differently, I am not subject to their skewed reality. My family is D and Moby and our friends. My genetic kin is on their own, nothing to me. I leave them chained to their own fates. So often I was told what I "had" to do. Mostly, those were lies. No, I didn't have to. No, I do not owe.
As John Cheese says, "I think there's a point where you're allowed to let that shit go to voice mail."
7 comments:
I like that, let the shit go to voice mail, yes, indeed
not sure about your location but it's spring here, at 4am this morning some random blackbird is singing, lord, insomniac birds, got to smile!
Soon be May!
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Long days are hard, especially when they are long.
You don't have a day off at Easter?
I think letting go was your only choice.
Mouse,
The birds are chirping away here as well. April in between, of course.
Phil,
I knew, I just had to give them a chance, for my own integrity.
No days off for Easter, not here.
a stone
It was worth a try, perhaps. Not worth any more pain though, and the undoing of previous hard-won peace. And you can let it go easy, I think, now, with a shrug.
Lucy,
I felt it was honorable to give them a chance. I really didn't expect anything different. As you say, I can now say I tried, and shrug it off. Sick of the whole subject, glutted and done.
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