Jean wonders if it's all neurological, this persistent pain of existence (if I read her properly.) The early damage of abuse, neglect or manipulation has to shape our forming brains as much as poor nutrition or environmental toxins. The ground state of pessimism, the touchstone of sadness, the ache from the basement. She inspired an answer in me that I want to lay here as well.
Oh, I'm sure much of our distress is based in neurology - stunted or twisted early in life, the curve swirls through our span of years. Giving us a different perspective, an eccentric orbit. Adjusting this to the world around us is painful and interesting together.
I find this comforting, that it's not all my fault, nor under my full control, all I can do is swing with it. Perfection is not achievable, so at some point after doing all I can, I let go.
But, yes, a stop lets it all pile up, like waves suddenly hitting a beach. Like all the blankets bunched around my neck while my feet turn blue.
Also but, it's very funny - seen from this extreme angle. Raucous and heartfelt laughter, unrestrained by care of loss, a gush of fresh caught joy let free. I wouldn't trap it here, it's not mine to keep, but it never really is for anyone.
6 comments:
It's always there suppose, but we travel onwards, wending our way, making our own journey.
Travel hopefully dear Z.
That should be 'I suppose' !
That's beautiful, and rings incredibly true. Thank you. And, yes, thank goodness, I too can still both feel wonder and have a good laugh at myself and at everything, however difficult life sometimes feels.
what a strange mixture we are of programmed genetics and experience...I wonder what influence our will can have. I look at my dog bred for certain characteristics and cannot escape the feeling that forces beyond my control have formed me
As Jean said, it's beautiful piece of writing.
Additionally, I feel so in touch with the remembered events in my life that I feel I can trace journey-lines back to them. I neither resist nor embrace a sense that these events turned my compass in some way. Neurologically? I'm less sure.
dick,
There is a lot of data that there are windows in childhood development for skills like reading and language. A language learned in adulthood shows up differently on FMRI than one learned from infancy. Unnurtured infants fail to thrive and have problems with empathy - the Romanian orphans from the Ceauşescu era who proved un-adoptable. So, I propose that there are more subtle effects as well, every experience leaving it's mark on our brains.
It's just an idea.
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