Professionalism

We have more and more friends with children these days. Normal, I suppose. But I grew up with very few other children, none on a daily basis. Not in the family, not in the neighborhood. It still amazes me that by some counts, I am still considered part of the Baby Boom, at which I scoff.

I grew up around adults, much older brothers. An aging family, who would be decimated year by year, providing me with funerals to meet the ones who survived. By the time I hit thirty, almost only my own generation of cousins, scattered across the continent, lived on. I have never met many of their children or grandchildren, distant genetic kin, of understandably little interest to me.

I never really liked children when I was a child myself. Unpredictable, violent, loud, I had little tolerance for behaviour in them I would have never gotten away with in my oppressive house. I thought them dangerous and rather stupid.

These days, I am much more in control of myself, more tolerant, more educated. I have had child development courses. I know about airway management in infants and children. I understand cognitive levels and behaviour modification. I know how funny this sounds, but children frighten me, and this is how I manage. They are little aliens protected by potentially vicious and touchy parents, I have to be careful.

I am competent with the children I care for (rarely now) at work. I try to make them smile, I never try to fool them into thinking I'm fun, they would see right though that anyway. They have my best care, I will keep them safe.

This came around in conversation this week, the realization that I treat children with professionalism. D laughed, and talked about how, when a toddler visited, I went into clear, calm teaching mode, "Now, this is how you can pet Moby..." Well, yes, after all, kids can be rough, and Moby's well being is my responsibility. Who knows what poor gross motor skills and inadequate empathy can do to our beloved cat?


I do keep my mind open that any of those children may grow into people I can genuinely like for themselves, in time. I watch for the personality beneath the immature creature, the flicker of unique character, and see that. I do not like children. But any kid that I like should know that they've earned my regard, not given it for youthful cuteness. Quite the opposite.

Thankfully, our friends mostly have pretty good kids, they are fairly well behaved, bright, not overindulged. I am resolved to be adult about it. It's just not a natural inclination. I have not a smidgen of maternal instinct.