Twelve hours. Eleven hours (kept on call). Eight hours. Twelve hours.
Groceries, dishes, laundry.
Have barely managed to write, will not make it at this rate. It's a silly non-contest that is my way to force myself to learn to write. The only kind of writing school I will have. As important to me as any college course, in my desire to eventually supplement our retirement income with my paltry words.
This is depressing enough to consider, for a long painful moment, just forgetting it all in a self destructive rush of despair.
Instead, I finished my work, am re-baking yams with pineapple, scheduled a modest spa date with D, calmed my furious rage at frustrated dreaming, gave Moby a bit of ham, and will pick D up after his late class. Work has been stressful, for reasons that I cannot go into without risking my job. Suffice to say, moving sucks, even for those who stay behind. And, funny how when the kids move out, they wind up moving back for a while.
11 comments:
You have kids?
Rest.
No, but I did wind up moving back home for a short, painful while. Many of my work friends do have kids that age. I was making a metaphor for my work situation. Sorry I can't be more clear. Badness, confusion and turmoil. Lot of stressed out, worked over folks.
Kind of sums up why I'm avoiding NaNoWriMo this year. I want to get into a good habit of spending free time on my creative projects, rather than pursuing some kind of masochistic binge on the stuff.
But to each their own.
;-)
oh, our pets have it so good. Love, food, warm sunspots, and no work.
Oh take care of yourself! Be moderate. You've already, I suppose, found out some thinga by getting back into the novel. If you do this next month instead, or take two months, or whatever... it doesn't really matter. And maybe you need to be moderate in what you agree to at work too. Think of the writing as your child - just as important.
As far as I'm concerned, you've already made it as a writer.
Perhaps its not surprising you're struggling with the writing, given the other pressures. But, eventually, all that pressure will help, will prove useful. Some time, probably unexpectedly, you'll sit back after having written something wonderful, and you'll wonder where it came from, and realise you still have it; that it never really went away; it (whatever "it" is) just needed to lie down for a while. Trust it'll happen. Whatever you write that doesn't live up to your hopes isn't wasted, it's just training.
You've written remarkable stuff — brilliant, powerful, captivating work — and it will happen again. You'll write more, much more, of that quality. Hang in there, Zhoen.
Yeah, what Pohanginapete said. No need to beat yourself about the head and shoulders when others are doing it for you too :-)
Rest, take care of yourself. The writing will come.
It's nearly seven, I am finally home, have had strong beer, and will not have to clock in again until 0652 Monday morning.
Thank you. I will write tomorrow, maybe post snippets soon.
D made me dinner, then went out with friends to rant about his own stresses, with my totally deniable blessing.
(((((0)))))
((zhoen))
I like what pohanginapete said.
Yep, me too with Pohanginapete. It might feel awful but I think you know why you're doing it.
Courage.
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