Saturday, January 15, 2022

Permeable

 

Not the sort of writing that wants a readership. This is raw and angry, despairing and destructive, meandering and weird, without explanation or apology. This is not for public use, or even my own reading. It's the blockage to be cleared so that the words can pour out clearly again. 

A volcanic mess.

I watch the Tongan volcano news with a geological impassivity. 

I have to cancel surgeries, and listen to people who have suffered, and deliver them more disappointment. 

If I let this all tear at my heart, I could not go on. I try to let it pass through me, but some always sticks. 

I can't remember the name of the book Pete recommended, about the sailor and the bird and all the other animals that wind up on his boat journey.  He's told me again, before, so I hesitate to ask again. 



And last night I dreamt we were still living in an apartment, or at least also in an apartment. 



6 comments:

gz said...

Odd how the brain puts odd almost random thoughts together in dreams.
We were talking about homeless people , positively, a few days ago. Last night Pirate dreamt that he was sleeping rough,...things you think are impossible can haunt your dreams

Zhoen said...

gz,
Losing the house is a nightmare for me, the very idea terrifies me. Second only to any harm coming to Dylan or our cats.

Relatively Retiring said...

I have written like that, and then had a very cathartic bonfire of the results. It's been a valuable process for me, and I hope it could be for you. There's something cleansing in a bonfire, leaving you with no chance of re-reading and reviving painful memories.

Zhoen said...

RR,
I think I'll have to compost mine, too much of a wildfire risk in my part of the world!

Relatively Retiring said...

Yes! Compost is even better.

Catalyst said...

Both Judy and I have written similarly over the years. I still have much of mine though I haven't read it in years, if ever. Judy, OTOH, got rid of most of hers.