Dave* called on Tuesday to let us know his dad died. At 94, not a surprize, but then when the tough old sweethearts go that long, it can start to seem like they aren't going to die at all. We drove the 40 miles up to Ogden through thick traffic to make the viewing, Thursday. (90 minutes with a lot of stop&go†.) I didn't know his family, but we'd heard about them all, and they us. Dylan was able to shift his schedule to make it up for the funeral yesterday, and talk with the friends of over 30 years. I got him from the train last night at 1900, and fed him.
We got a card for Dave&K, and a handful of little glass ladybugs from that store that has wonderful things, like Bear Who Listens. K sent me a photo of one on the casket. You never know what will be meaningful for someone else, or how, so I think it best to stay with small and a little odd, just in case that fits. I get it right a fair amount of time. When my SIL lost her father many years ago, I sent a small angel token, from the same shop as it turned out, and she was comforted, she told me. Little things to hold in your hand, souvenirs, tokens. Such a human trait.
If there is one thing I'm good at, it's funerals. Spent so much of my childhood attending the funerals, viewings, rosaries, of elderly great aunts and uncles, then aunt&uncles, grandmothers being the last. The viewings always meant an initial quiet sadness, then a gradual telling of stories and lots of laughter. I would never have known most of my family but for funerals. I cry at grief, and know how to act, what to say, what not to say. My year of nursing that included hospice was a natural extension.
Death doesn't worry me, only suffering and outliving my usefulness.
*You know, Dave.
†And my knees are unhappy, as well as my back. But I don't begrudge. Dave* is the friend who got our stuff to us in Boston, the proverbial one who would help you move a body. Not that we've ever had to move a body.
6 comments:
Good to have a friend like that..worth going the extra mile for him
The shoulder takes indeed time to recover. I had a bad fall several years ago and it took me a few months till I could close my bra from behind. Thank God, no sign at all of shoulder trouble nowadays. What helped me was not the PT exercises, but the ones I did on facilities in an adjacent little park.
gz,
Or 40. At very least.
DUTA,
It actually stems from old back injuries. But yes, shoulders are a bugger.
Within the next decade or so I'll be entering into my era of funerals as my parents and the parents of my cohort begin to pass. I do not have nearly as much experience as you at this, but I'm bound to gain experience.
We all need a friend like Dave.
S&S,
Indeed we do.
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