Noise

Long days, but I'm enjoying my work more lately. Got to choose my room and partner for today, a young man with the gift of silence. It looked like it would be the shortest room, which has been a guarantee lately that it would run longest. Not today, though. Got home quite on time, maybe a bit early.

Dressing in the morning with the other one who has no silence at all, huffing and humming as she dressed, knowing I would not respond to anything past "good morning." When another nurse came in, I could hear the relief as she could begin chattering away. My quiet is a burden to her, since she needs to talk about herself constantly, explain and excuse and dramatize. My chattering demon personified. I like to think I am her silent demon.

After our first case at full speed, no brakes, Dave* and I set up the next case, to wait for an hour to start again. We sat in the staff breakroom, I with the sudoku and crossword, him with the rest of the paper and his own thoughts. One of the aides came in, I offered some of my snack, which she had to comment on at length, then tell me I had to get the chocolate almonds at Costco, then that her hands were hurting from her exercise program - which she needed to be in ideal shape for her wedding next year in order to look good in the dress. This tiny, pretty young thing, not a thought in her head unshared, Dave raises an eyebrow at me when she rushes out, we laugh, and return to companionable quiet.

My D has always had that ability to simply sit by, no words needed, none wasted. One of his most endearing qualities. Watching Il giovane Montalbano, date in the episode 1 January, 1991. He tells me he remembers the date, I was very hungover and ill, as I'd gotten very drunk New Year's Eve in Ft. Collins as we waited to be sent. In my defense, I would not have another drink for five years after that, and suffered the end of a terrible year until my escape from the ex as much as from alcohol the night before. A catharsis a long time coming. That I then found the first waves of comfort, harbingers of trust, a beginning to real love, well I had to empty out first.

Waiting a little longer to put up the tree and lights, no need to rush. We leave it up until Epiphany usually. Feeling a strong sense of occasion building up this year, after last year's strains. So it goes, the difficult and painful times when we stretch and grow, followed by the peaceful easy times, when we rest and wait. Life turns this way, then that way, so we can experience it all, glory in it all.

Important to hear through the noise.



*You know, Dave.