I think I could still try, even now, with my genetic kin, if they only admitted they didn't really care about me as a person. Admitted that my father did not ask for me on his deathbed. Didn't just use their chaotic lives as excuses to cover the real reason they want me to love them without them having to actually put any effort into loving me. If I can't have their interest, I could about bother if I had their honesty.
Can't bring myself to like them. No way to be the good person in this, only the honest one, with a version of integrity. Good people are honest, and their words match their actions. Bothers me that it bothers me, but I don't really care if they love me. But I think they want me to love them. But they couldn't be arsed to tell me when the old bastard died, which I would have made sure of had the roles been reversed, no matter how I felt about the lost brother.
The last threads cling, but break one by one as I tug.
From D I have learned loyalty, take my duty seriously, as I care for patients without regard to their character. I want to be a whole thing, without false twists, no lies, in all my skin.
This has a half life, I'm not sure that all tinge will be completely gone.
4 comments:
honesty is important.
but it will niggle
It sounds like a lot of bravery, in there with the honesty. The two have to go together.
so difficult
if you wish to maintain contact then you may have to do it in a one-sided way, and not think about whether or not they are deserving
it's all about you and what you want, that's what is important
Mouse,
No, I don't want contact. I just wish they would be honest about not really wanting contact with me. Which ain't gonna happen.
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