Sitting

Funny, really, how much easier the bumps of life are to take since I have shifted my attitude over the last couple of years. It's taken a lot of practice. I genuinely see the humor in it all now, let it roll off, never try to trap it, refuse to indulge in anger. I feel the irritation, the frustration, the annoyance, turn it slightly in the light, and grin. I chose my reaction, a gentle smoothing, a kind laugh.


I believe I can handle a visit with my mother, by the time it could happen. I've rehearsed the conversations in my head, as I have always done, a habit from childhood. And I've come up with honest, non-aggressive answers, or bemused silence, for most of them. Deflections for the judgement. I don't care if she sees my tattoos, or slights the length of my hair, or even questions the validity of a second marriage. Neither challenging nor taking it on the chin, but splashing away and draining back, I have plunged through the dark torrent, and found myself in calm water.

My cousin told me life begins at 50. So, I'm starting a few months early. I never doubted that she was right.

So many of the blogs I read today left me not wanting to comment. But where once I might have been bothered, today, I just decided to be silent. Not just to refrain from commenting, but to stop any judgement even in my thoughts. We are all different, with a unique view of eternity, each one valuable. Mine is just mine, the one that makes the most sense to me, but only from where I'm standing. Or, actually, sitting, at the moment.