I've never been jealous of those who had good fathers. Seeing a patient dad with a child in public makes me smile. I'm a little sad for myself, but this is luck of the draw. But I never forget that good parents are a matter of fortune for a child, there is nothing magical about having children for parents. Decent fathers deserve credit for their skill and effort and heart. Just as decent mothers deserve praise for their love and endurance and attention. It's an insult to say it all comes automatically, since it clearly doesn't. Look at the number of abused children to demonstrate that it is not a given.
So, thank you. From one whose parents did a poor job in many ways that most mattered to me. Stay interested, keep them as friends when the temporary insanity of early parenthood wears off, let them see you as you are, and see your adult offspring as they are. I've seen it work in other families, so I do know it's possible.
Thanks, dads.
Just, not mine.
8 comments:
we are a product of our genes and our environment, apparently... some people seem to survive bad parenting with few dents, so perhaps he atleast handed on a few good genes to you!
Rosie,
Indeed. No really bad genetic diseases in the family. No bad heart disease, minimal late onset cancer, no diabetes or weird rare disorders. Survivors all, although only one of my father's brothers had (one) child. Only he had multiple children, of his generation.
I can't complain of the genetic quality. Just the active parenting.
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What a kind and generous post.
I had a good dad.
People used to think he was my brother. Now my daughter has been mistaken for my sister! ( by a stranger who didn't know I don't have one)
Thanks Zhoen.
I heard on the radio last night that one of the most important things a dad can do for their children is to simply be present and available as much as possible. So far so good on that score.
As a dad of three adult children, I can tell you that bad parenting can be overcome by the offspring. My dad was fine, a good guy who was a product of his time. He and my mother divorced early, so it was a occasional weekend and summer relationship until I was an adult. My mother was a horrid parent, and when I had children I had to consciously monitor my parenting to avoid being like her. I resented that, a lot.
As you said, it's an accident of birth, and we do what we are able.
Take care,
Mike
I thank my lucky stars that my Grandpapa was a mensch.
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