Love

Moby spent all night sleeping between us, about knee level. Before leaving for work, D sat stroking him, and I sprawled around both, a hand on both. We never assume we know what is in our cat's mind, that being presumptuous. But the evidence is that Moby loves us, and knows he is loved.

I have written before about the misuse of the word love. From my mother telling me 'of course he loves you, he's your father' to the abused wives on COPS! insisting on staying in violent homes 'But I love him!' to children kidnapped by selfish criminals who want a baby to love them, to the neglectful or cruel dog owners on Animal Cops who are in love with the idea of owning an animal, with no understanding of them as living creatures. Love used to describe possession, or mal-dependence, or habit, or societal expectation. One way obsession, power, or lust, or pure emotion divorced from action.

Love is both harder, and easier than any of that. D met me when I had no ability to trust, and earned my confidence patiently, through acts of loving kindness. Hoping for, but not expecting, love in return. Small moments of trust, returned attention, increasing gratitude, gradual ease. I strove to be worthy of his esteem, and became a better person. He says he wanted never to take my care for granted, and likewise wanted to repay me.

And he did the same for our abandoned, neglected feline. Moby found that there was always food. That he could hide under, and we would come and pet him, but not pull him out. We would pick him up, and gently put him down when he squirmed, so that, in time, he would stand nearby to be lifted and cuddled and scritched behind the ears. He rolls on his back for us to rub his belly. When he has had enough, he puts out his claws and touches the hand, the hand stops, he releases or licks, and trust flows.

Yesterday D tells me he was in a bad, anxious place, and Moby hopped up on the stool next to him. "As if to say, 'You look like you could use a cat right now'. Made me feel much better."

Love has to be a complete circuit. Admiration, humor, kindness. Love is about always acting lovingly. Nothing to be taken for granted. No mind-reading allowed. Evidence required.

Attentiveness affectionately applied.

But, Moby does ~seem~ to love us.