Gift

Gifts are wonderful fraught evidence of interaction.

My Aunt always knew who gave her anything, believed in thank-you notes, and knew exactly what she had given everyone else over the years. She could hold a quiet grudge if presents were given away or dismissed. I was never the object of her disdain, as growing out of clothes was no sin, otherwise, she gave me wonderful toys. Awful too small flowery flannel nightgowns were never an issue. The beloved Bell-hop was worn to a frazzle. (A plastic circle for one leg, rope to an encased bell, swing rope in circle, hop over it. Hours of coordination fun!)

My mother, who never felt like she gave good presents, and disliked shopping for anything for any reason, never minded if her gift to another was discarded. She taught me that once a present is given, it is given and forgotten. A mere proof on the day that the recipient is cared for and remembered.

Through some strange alchemy, I have turned into a decent gift chooser, who cares not a whit if the gift is re-gifted. The pair of sisters made me think about what gifts are, and how to feel about them. I prefer not to receive a gift from anyone who is anxious about giving presents. I detest getting them from anyone who does not know me well enough to give a thoughtful and useful gift. Or if it is an obligatory present.

On the flip, I love free stuff. I'm a scrounger and a picker. A friend moving and wanting to weed is a glory. I got wooden spoons, iron muffin pan, sweaters, books, Malaysian cats, and a wire cutter that way. Guilt free. Art should be more problematic, but so far we've been lucky in friends with talent. A steel penguin, several framed drawings, a black round tile. Unrefusable, delightfully so. I've even gotten some good corporate gifts, mostly luggage and polartec®. Free Blanket! Cool.


So, when I want to give a friend something, it takes a while, and I remember small incidents. I love giving an item I already own, and want to share. A camera. Army boots. Numerous books. Not so strangely, I honestly can't quite remember, as a matter of policy.

I love giving the unique, unusual, practical, beautiful, silly. I once sent a small pewter angel in a sympathy card, and heard back that it was just the right thing. A tiny pottery turtle from a box of Red Rose tea for a friend facing a long rehab hit the right note. One year, we gave all our friends spatulas. We were poor, they were useful and terribly silly. Went with the fortune cookies we made.

Not to say I've always got the right idea, but I don't care too much about each gift giving occasion. I keep trying, and figure the odds are on my side. I either give what I can because I want to, or I don't.

And I keep giving, because once in a while, it will be just right.