Long ago, I took scissors to my own hair, and got berated for it. I thought I'd been clever and considerate, since I wanted to cut something, and my hair was my own.
It would not be the last time I cut my own hair, but found out that others considered this wrong, as, apparently, my hair was not, in their opinion, my own to do with as I wished.
My mother had my hair cut in a Pixie, while I wanted to grow it out, because I was to be a flower girl for my cousin's wedding. I remember distinctly, in the back seat of the car, on the way home that night, when my allowance to grow it long had been rescinded. Well, couldn't have it looking like THAT, could we?
I had my hair buzzed, during those years when hair itself seemed too stressful, stopped in the grocery store after, a stranger who had been in the barber shop approached me, asking me - as though he had a right to an answer, why I had my hair cut like a boy? I countered that he didn't know me, had no right to even ask, none of his business, and, in addition, bugger off.
One of my National Guard officers, made a point, every drill, to comment on the length of my hair, as though it mattered to her in some way. I got so that I replied with non-commital grunts.
Hair, to me, is about self determination.
I wanted, now, in my life, to have long hair. I screwed it up, and now I have to deal. Not about being bad or good, just not what I'd chosen, save by my ill-considered choices. Chose the action, chose the consequences. I am getting very irritated at how many people seem to think their opinion is more right than my own taste about how I would prefer to look, and can't. Good friends, those of you who allow that I am right - but are just assuring me it's not so bad, fine, appreciated. Those who tell me I am wrong, it's much better this way, read Carolyn Hax.
13 comments:
I wish you had not had to spend so much of your life's energy in self-preservational resistance. I'm glad you won out. But still.
Wow, two of your best together! Something in the midst of this obviously very testing time has clicked and plunged down into the very heart of where you very best writing comes from :-)
Your hair looks fine, really nice cut, but I do so know what you mean, as another child not allowed to grow her hair long. I still, at 53 and too fat in the face to be flattered by long straight hair, repeatedly have it chopped to chin length, know it looks better, but can't resist the pleasure of growing it long again, and have every intention of ending up a crazy old woman with a long white plait (braid).
I suppose a bit like when I've cooked a meal and known it's awful, and everyone's been telling me how nice it is and I've felt more and more miserable and angry inside...
And I suppose if you had your hair how you liked it and people kept telling you how they didn't and you should have it another way, that wouldn't be at all acceptable, would it?
I certainly didn't mean to rubbish how you felt ( though I still find it hard to believe you could ever look dowdy...).
But the good thing about hair is, it forgives. It grows. Nothing is irrevocable with it. It just demands our patience sometimes.
(o)
(o)
dale,
This is my life, the hand dealt, I'll take it.
jean
"flattering" is not the most important part of hair or clothing. Comfortable, and looking right to oneself, is.
lucy,
thank you.
It'll grow. It's not important in itself, as I well know. It's just the easy symptom I can focus on.
As someone whose mother incessantly criticized her hair, I get what a big deal it can be. She was also "helpfull" critical about a lot of things, which left me fiercely supportive of everyone's right to express themselves however they want, experiment, make bad choices or good, and figure things out on their own. Not my place to tell anyone what's good for them.
That's "helpfully"
I am a doctoral student in Communication Studies at Kent State University. For my doctoral dissertation, I am studying bloggers. Would you be willing to participate in my survey?
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eekleman@kent.edu
kleman,
Done, glad to help. Didn't think much of your questions, as a writer, I'd've much preferred an essay question. I do write from my view of the world, and as such, write about myself. But I don't think I just write about myself, just, well, this is the only peek I have on life. Shall I send other blogger to your site?
Zhoen,
Thanks so much for helping me out! This is a quantitative study... if it were qualitative, there would be essay-type questions instead of multiple choice. Sorry! :)
Yes, I would LOVE it if you could help me advertise this survey. I really need participants to complete my Ph.D... plus, I'm really just interested in bloggers' experiences.
Thanks again!
Ok, let's help this guy out, then.
It didn't take long, give the poor grad student a hand, please.
Hooray for self-determination. And: done it.
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