Doors

We didn't get our back door installed this Wednesday. The guy called last week and asked if he could postpone, very apologetic, his daughter's camping trip... . No question, we are not in a rush, we have a door that closes - more or less, and any man who is being a good dad gets my full support. Good fathers touch my heart, and I wish for every little girl a decent, loving, kind dad. Boys, too, but daughters especially.

Worked with a guy who often spoke of his daughter, took it as read that dads let daughters cover them in pink bows and join in for doll tea parties, go to soccer games and learn to brush their hair. He talked about the issue of female adolescence, offering information without intruding, buying a variety of menstrual items - and that she should decide what she wants, and give him the package - he would buy more. (Mom was not reliably in the picture.) He freely admits he was not comfortable with the situation at first, but decided she needed him to be matter-of-fact, so he learned.

I want every child to have a good dad, or several, in their lives. I had a few uncles, and my brothers were occasionally helpful - mostly I had to figure it out as best I could. I went through no "I-hate-boys" stage, always preferred male company. It's more straightforward, less fraught than with women. Not looking for a father, but for decent men, decent human beings without regard to gender.

Children need good people in their lives, men especially. They need to see power in terms of forgiveness and kindness, not distant judgement, or hot, angry abuse, or far worse - sexual exploitation. Women tend to children, overwhelming them sometimes. Fathers are too often absent or frightening. Men who nurture are so valuable. Not really rare, but it feels so to me. So far away, so impossible. When I come across the ones who consider it normal, I want to shower them with appreciation.

Like the men who are horrified at any man who would beat up a woman. Not rare, not at all, I know this in my head. But they seem so to those who have lived with the other sort.

We'll have the door in next Wednesday. Plenty of time.