Voices

Vanishing virgins,
Violet in vanilla,
Veiled, verdant Venus.





Chiseled out wood of the lower part of the jamb, that kept the lower/freezer drawer from opening, or closing properly. Fridge is too big for the space. Nice fridge, not it's fault they bought the wrong size. I apologized to House the Home as I chopped away. The raw wood smells of oak. But the freezer opens well, now. I'll put a seal on the bare wood soon. Cleaned the plumber's rubble in the basement, kicked up a cloud of dust, for which my sinuses and lungs are not appreciative. D instrumental in putting up the curtain rod in the dining room, a few of my scarves are up there now. General odds and ends day, with the usual necessary cleaning and cooking. D dealing with phone, voip has issues here. Much frustration - and the joys of a local ISP, they just replaced the unit, and we just went and picked it up, no waiting for the U.S. Postal Service.

I'm really enjoying all the challenges, a sort of huge puzzle to be solved bit by bit. No slacking off. Something to DO every day. And figuring out how to do it.

Moby a velcro cat this morning. If I went into a room, there he was, exploring every closet I opened, purring and curious. Didn't want to do the basement, because he'd have been right at my heels. Waited until D was home, and Moby's settled in for a long nap.

Unction

Useful ushering,
Utterly untamable,
Umber is unboxed.

Ivy

We really were only joking when we came to the first open house, saw this, and said well, now we will have to have this house.

It was a Joke.

The universe responds with dry, deadpan, sarcasm.



A productive, but largely restorative day. Early out to laundry and groceries. Ate reheated Chinese for lunch, then got the books away. That's the last of the unpacking. No more boxes with crap in 'em. Still more sorting, figuring out where things are, but no un-emptied boxes. No wonder House the Home wanted us, so much space for books, built in. There is still room, and one of our bookshelves stands without even shelves in (can't find the nubbins to hold them up) but not needed.

D took down the damn ceiling fan in the bedroom yesterday, and, after we went out for a taller ladder, put up a plain light. Poor guy, arms kept going into complete muscle failure, me not tall enough to be of much more than a supporting role. After the ladder, I was able to do the final screwing-in, and then the cleaning-up, which I was glad to do. One more fan to remove, then the damn halogen fixtures in the back hall - a job for another week.


Spent some time clearing the ivy from the house. Not done, need gloves and a mask, eye protection, to do the rest. Very irritated with all the dust. But it is better, a few more sessions, and I think I can get it clear. A process.

Moby crashed in his bed, Fortress of Solitude, beside a window. He's been a busy cat. Supervised the shifting of the books closely.

Velvet

A red velvet rose from some (post-Valentine) chocolates, that I'd kept because I thought it pretty. Nearly tossed it in the clean up, it was tied to a door pull in the old kitchen, but threw it in at the last minute. It's been on the floor, dropped in the unboxing, until Moby found it last evening, we could hear the tapitytap of the twist tie in it on the wood. This afternoon, he played with it all afternoon and into the evening. Carries it in his mouth to the next place he decides to bat it about. We keep thinking he'll get tired, and we hear him thmping about and chasing it again.

He's eaten an entire can of his food, that for the past year he's only eaten about half of each day, with a bit of kibble. And some kibble, and two chunks of the roast chicken - that he would normally have eaten one of. Has sat on both our laps today at different times, and had to be picked up by each of us. Normally one good hug a day is his limit.

Yeah, we figure he's happier. And, in his cat way, he loves us.



Had quite a game going around the curtains as well. Round and round, under and around. The bright curtain is new, much needed to counteract all the brown (dark brown) curtains in the front. Hideous brown, brown shades as well in the rest of the place. Dreary. Needed some bright color, warm and welcoming.

Resolutions

January is no time for resolutions or major changes. Always the most difficult semester. Normally, I prefer a good, cold, snowy month about now, to clear the mind, brace the sinews. Given our upheaval, the mild dampness is a relief, if not a joy. This place is not as warm, nor easy to heat, as a tiny apartment. Milder weather is our friend this year, until we can manage better insulation next year.

The most joyous aspect is, as so often, Moby. He's a much happier cat. He chases, and jumps and explores. He sleeps on us at night, sits on laps during the day, and when picked up, he snuggles in and refuses to be put down - purring like mad at every moment. He eats better than we've seen him do in years, especially the last few months - when we began to rather worry. He sleeps sound, and quietly, unlike the increasing snoring at the apartment.

In short, he seems a much happier cat, glad for more space, more stimulation.

My own sinuses are more comfortable.

The plumbers came yesterday, and the hook-ups are all done. Apparently, the latter owners had a washer - but all kludged, and the drain-sewer connection had broken, so the water simply pooled in the clay beneath the concrete. Not too bad at this point, but if we'd left it, there would have been damage to the foundation. Yes, I think House wanted us, certainly needed us. Quite the mess down there, damp rubble, but that's just fine. D cleaned all the mud from the floor today.

Getting locks next week, since the back door can't be opened from outside, and the front is another bit of botch that also turns the wrong way. Hopefully, that will be the end of the larger expenses for a while.

Tomorrow, we shelve the books and sort the rest of the clothes - figure out what exactly we will need to take to the laundromat before the appliances come on Saturday next.

So tired, but underneath, gladness.

Rumple

When we walk through doors, odd disruptions happen to our memories. This House has many doors. We are learning to understand each other.


Long ago, I found some sari material at a second hand shop. Some used to dance in. Most still packed in the backs and bottoms of boxes and bags, forgotten and hidden. Now adorning the window.



My tea making area, came with a little LED battery light under the cabinet. We can leave the toaster out, now. Oh, and Hi! This fluffy white robe is not as photogenic as it is warm and cozy.



The shower is tiny, but the tile rather pretty. Shallow bath, but now that we are paying for our own water, perhaps for the best.

Found the cat.

No idea why they put up so much dark paint and dark brown shades (most of which don't work properly.) But something better than nothing, and replacing them is on the list, but not urgent.


Cat doesn't care. He's snuggled in and warm. "Leave the bed nicely rumpled, go away."

Dark

Long, cold* day, now dark, no photos. Tired, but Moby chasing and power-sliding and up, down, everywhere. On skype with mother & brother, Moby sat on D's lap as he watched an episode of Morse. Cat has been eating more, wet food in particular. more awake, sitting on us more, more engaged, curious, active. He seems to be really enjoying the larger territory. This cheers us when we feel we can't do one more thing. Set up is proving rather trying. As expected, but it's different anticipating and actually doing. Not harder or easier, but more real - the actual experience.

My sinuses much happier since the move. Far less dust. But we knew, there was less dust in the basement than we got in the apartment in a few days. The Neverending List is part of our lives, and that's fine. Good for the brain, a new challenge. Difficult building the reserve again, happening slowly.


Thinking a lot about my childhood fear of the dark. The shadows, the inexplicable noises, the unknown. I remember the fears in House, so many dim greys in the darkness, creaks and cat thumps. I feel the impulse to panic, without urgency or insistence, just a distant understanding. The fear is far away, I am comfortable with uncomfortable silences and the unknowableness of existence. I am at ease with strangeness, contented to face unspeakable terrors around the corners. I'll take the katana and iron frying pan, and defend my realm, my home, my territory. Or not, as the case may be.

How very strange this all is, to finally have a House AND home. There is a qualitative difference. I don't think a condo would have been the same, really. My plot of earth. My garden-to-be. My problems, plumbing, projects. My responsibility, my realm to defend and protect. My cat, my beloved.

The most important last, and first.




*I usually don't mind the cold at work -far from it, I'm usually warm, today it felt icy all day.

god

The heart of a house,
A home full of patient love,
Good cat for it's god.

Progression

Yesterday we got the lumber to build the wall for the laundry hook-ups. The plumbing cost is a huge chunk of what we put aside for the extras, but is non-negotiable. Then we took the laundry out to the laundromat, a stressful experience for both of us. We knew we'd have to do it for a wash or two, but it will be longer than that. We've done laundromats, most of our lives, or if we were lucky - apartment laundry rooms. We planned for not having to do that again, which is why this felt worse than it should have. I'm blaming January, it's like moving at 0200, no one is at their best.

That, and the rain of the morning mixed in with snow, making a slushfall that reached into the night. As we were about to start dinner, the power went out, taking our phone - or at least the internet component it fried - with it. Gas stove, so we ate a hot meal, and waited in ignorance. Forced idleness probably what we needed, really. Walked over to a local bookstore that just opened. A wet, cold walk, but rather nice anyway. Sat with candles and cat, D finally used the cell phone to the power company, ETA for electricity about 1030. We went to bed, hoping most of the lights were off. D woke when it came back on, I was barely aware.

Took it slowly this morning, then shopped for groceries and a list of hardware and supplies. I want to not spend a dime in February. Making my stomach hurt. Spendthrift is not a word appropriate to describe me.

So, I decided to clean and shine, not because it's the most important, but to keep me going and free up some space. Cleared the fireplace, an impressive amount of ash removed. Cannot find the flue, just a bit of twisted metal that doesn't seem to do anything, and a lot of soot. Call me Cind-er-ella!




Lots of mess, but gradually getting through, shining the glass, making the wood smell better. Found a diary, just a handful of the first pages filled in, 2007 - nothing historical.


We are both not in the best of shape, but not as bad as yesterday at this time. Call it progress. Call us Ishmael.

Cat still loving the sun, very engaged and energetic. Sat on my lap again today. Much love.

Bounce

Spent most of my day in sterile processing, putting together sets of instruments, and wrapping. There is a method to sterile wrapping to allow it to be unwrapped while maintaining sterility, involving outfacing flaps and folds, indicator tapes. Attention to detail, everything with chemical indicators, to assure proper temperature has been reached during autoclaving. We kept up all day, which saved me when I switched back to my usual role, and needed one of the sets I'd wrapped, and it was there.

My tiredness wore on me after seven hours, my attentiveness flagged. Came across an unfamiliar set, and after a long time of getting nowhere on it, I begged off to the pros, apologetically, and with admiration for their skills. I think I held my own most of the way, was of use.

Thinking about when I came home from Gulf War I, and struggled, for no apparent reason. Guilty that I was being thanked for doing so little, when the real combat vets were treated so badly. Finally talked, for several hours, with a Vet Center counselor. He told me that the worst pain he'd ever had was the shrapnel that got him sent home from Vietnam. Then he added, that when he gets a paper cut, at that moment it's the worst pain ever. Pain cannot be compared.

This move felt like the worst one ever, so much to do and for so long I couldn't do any of it. But really, every move pushes one past one's endurance and strength. Past that, it's only the recovery time that changes, anything past one's 20's leaves a mark. There is no worse, past a certain point. This is a part of why we knew we needed to make this a permanent shift, we didn't have many more in us. This is a bone weariness, a soul's exhaustion. Will take us a while to recover our bounce.

Lap

The overhead lights in there are, well, odd. More appropriate for a gallery, meant to light a spot instead of a room. I experimented with them, they turn. So I lit the counters and stove, to good effect. One less thing we have to replace, can be made to work just fine. Likewise in the living room, turned them up toward the white ceiling, brightening the room quite adequately. Subverting the design.

We added a red panel to the dull brown curtains, making them at least more interesting. And plastic insulation to the windows instead of cellular blinds. The last was the idea, really. Until the plumber explained what needed to be done. And what must be done must be done. Nothing cosmetic until the nuts and bolts and guts are in good working order. First things first. The blinds were more than that, a way to insulate summer and winter without replacing windows, or covers for them, to save on heating and cooling costs. But to have a washer & dryer means plumbing, that was supposed to be in place if inadequate. Once doing all that, there are other, connected issues that need definitive correction. Priorities. Taking care of our home. We have to build a wall this weekend.


Moby is not a lap cat, but he does, on rare occasions, decide to sit on a lap for a while. He circled me, jumped on other things, came back, to see if there was a place to sit beside me, no luck, so, well, he jumped up on me. Settled down, snuggled in, nearly slept, for a good half hour. D got me the tea I'd been preparing, since apparently I wasn't going anywhere. Eventually allowed to get up and have dinner. Such a rare occurrence, had to accept the blessing.

Martin

"You enjoy roses your way, I'll enjoy them mine." He chomped every decorative grass frond, but that's fine.



Snowed Monday morning, glad indeed not to be out on the roads. Got a shovel, doesn't hurt my back. Put up my static sticker on the front window.


A sidelong view, to avoid the bins. Next door is nice, then an apartment. The other side are a couple of duplexes, further a few abandoned properties and one of those sortakinda dead end side streets seen in this area. Across the way more houses, a couple of some kind of half-way house, and another apartment building. It's an odd little neighborhood.

Sun on wood.

Our treasures out and on view, which is lovely.

D played his Martin today, and I had tears in my eyes. Music room, indeed.

Exhaust

D in the process of de-Ikea-ing the place. The drawers are fine, but the poles fixing them ceiling and floor make it a. ugly, and b. immovable. Leaving the other one up for the moment, on probation. There was more of this crap in the living room, with two shelves instead of drawers. They are in the basement, the components will be used elsewhere. Eventually.



Listened to our structural engineer friend, who claimed that asking him for a simple solution causes his brain to overheat. But he offered the idea of the stiff foam, that doesn't go to little pea shreds. Insulation panels. Pink, in this case. We will in time make a pull for it, a kind of hinge - and paint it or cover it with tape. For now, it seals off the basement, and keeps the cat from down there.



Used some of the extra to block the grate in the back room, it didn't have one of those flaps. And some of the rest to block the chimney, held up by an ancient knife left here - looks to have been used to poke the fire.








Failed to get everything here. Not a lot still there, but no more room in the car. Both of us exhausted, past exhausted, a fair bit of emotional crumbling.

Exploration

Things (Moby)

Me writing this time. The Cat. Moby they call me.

They've brought those papery hard things with the nice edges, so, yeah, I knew that Thing was going to happen again. Now, this is fine by me. Although, I did catch a bird here, did I ever told you I caught a bird? I caught a bird. Anyway. No good places to chase, and no birds at all for a long time.

Looked like they were Going, so, I glued myself near the door, to go Out with them.

"I'm going with you."
Talk, talk, Moby, something, in human of course. "Yes, Moby, always, later."*
"Nope, nope, you're not leaving me."

More blah, Moby, blah. Over and over, until they looked at me and started talking with each other. Lots more time and activity, me holding out by the door. Then, they put me in the bag! Out, but not like I wanted! Then into that Huge Horrible Moving Thing, with all the weird smells, for, like, ever. No matter how many times I ask them if we are there yet, and tell them how much this sucks, they never listen. †

Then they put me in this huge echoey room, it all smells of dogs, and other people, and no sufficient Under, so I stay in my bag, since it's open now. Just like at that place with the nice firm people who stick something up my butt, good humans, but weird. Anyway, I sing out my complaint, and, well, it all still sucks, but I'm in rather good voice. This place is BIG.

All day, I hunker down, in case they want to make me go in another flying, roaring thing that made my ears hurt. My mouth is dry, and I'm so scared. My tail wouldn't go up if some mean human pulled it up. The bed from the Fortress of Solitude appeared, as well as other familiar things that I know are mine appeared. Loud footsteps all over, every time I venture out a little to see how bad it is, but it's slowly smelling better. Food Dude and Other Food Dude reach in and massage me, I'm in the bed under the sheepy thing, and staying there.

Later, a woman who whiffs a bit of dog, but mostly of kindness, reaches out to me, and I can't resist. She gives a good scritch, and I walk around a bit. Maybe this won't be so bad. Another guy, younger than my Dudes, smells of other cat, but also kindness, also adores me properly, but I am still in no mood, and stay put. ¥

Other Food Dude picked me up, and walked with me around the place, terrifying, then puts me back in my bed. I don't remember a bit there, must've slept a while. Then began to find alternate hiding places. Wooden boxes had appeared, and provided pretty good cover. Bunch of times, one of my humans would come in, and not see me at all, even calling out to me. That was fun, then I'd appear, as if from nowhere. I had food, and my litter box, water that tasted funny, a place to hide. I found the Dude's bed, and sat under that for a while, one of them put my wool blanket on the floor under there with me, which was nice.

Time to figure this place out, since whatever threat there was seemed over.

Found my folks on the blue sofa, they invited me up, like I need that, and I Explored there, and around. It's cold and hard here, but there are soft places for a smart cat like me, I found them. Found an interesting Down‡, but then couldn't find a way back Out, and one of my dudes grabbed me and brought me back up. More scary, as the other dude thumped and meowed a bit. I say meowed, more like barked, but I like him, so...

About the best time of day now, and I'm all over this place. It's very cool, with a lot of great corners and very interesting places to poke my nose in. Getting used to the new smells, and most of it is Mine now. I will call it Home, and I will be it's god, and it will be another one of my people.

Today is a much better day. Have to take care of a much bigger territory now, I can do this.




*Translated by Zhoen. Note: tenses in Cat are all over the place.
† We do, but he still keeps telling us. This was a ride of two blocks.
‡ The basement. Really can't have him freely roaming there, and we haven't gotten the cover for it yet. Will do that today, first thing. Got it sort of blocked for the night.
¥ Our agent L showed up, with a roll of toilet paper, since I'd related my theory of the karmic need to leave toilet paper for the next tenant, which the renter did not do. She thought this amazingly funny, and wanted to assure us she would continue to help us as we settled in. Then E from work who helped us move. More about them when it's my turn to post again.