Even

Had friends over last night, last minute, based on my getting off work at a reasonable hour and in a decent state of mind, which happened (marginally) and we ordered food (bike) delivered. (Even Stevens, so much yum.) I took a shower when I got home. They showed up, we chatted amiably, ate well, which left us all in a better state of mind. Eleanor came out for attention, Zeppo stayed hidden, no matter.

We went to see an EAP counselor, concerning our grief over Moby, which was mostly ok, but she mentioned it being like losing a child. And no. No it's not. Moby was his own cat, not a child. He was a cat, not a human, at the end of his lifespan, and interspecies friendships are not parent/child relationships. We corrected her, gently, that we did not feel that way, we never wanted a child, did not think of him as a child, but that did not make our attachment less, only different. She accepted this, it was a common enough response. But it's wrong, at least for us. We were not dealing well this week, intermittently. And we think Eleanor wasn't either, intermittently, intolerant of Zeppo's insistent approaches on Thursday.

Losing a child is devastation, too early, their own body's offspring destroyed.

Losing a cat is losing a close friend, for whom one is responsible, at the end of their normal lifespan, and in our case, chosing the time, hoping we did it at the right time, not waiting too late for our own selfish reasons. And missing his presence every moment. And guessing that Eleanor is feeling the loss as well, trying to help her, while not knowing with any certainty what she feels or how to help.

Work has been trying, and I long for retirement. Most of the people I work with are amazing professionals. I have to focus on that. Not on the one individual who exposes her own sins by accusing everyone else of them. Yeah, that's happening, and it sucks.