Phooey
Some of the professional photos are up from the wedding last month. Almost all twenty of bride & groom, a few also have other people, or just the decor. Since we gave up our lunchtime to be in said photos, and wound up at over ten hours before we got food (on our own after bailing out of the reception, where no food was in sight) we'd kinda like to see the results. After a month and change. I don't care about thank you cards that will be simply discarded (I actually left a note in our gift saying, please don't send a thank-you card, really, honestly, please save the paper and postage.) But since we thought we were going to have that time to feed our faces, and missed it for the foolishness that is the formal photo shoot, well, phooey.
I had our pictures of the event up within the week. Neenerneener.
I have come to fervently detest the whole idea of weddings as an event. The Bride's Day indeed. NO. No one but the bride really feels that way, it's an imposition, and a huge one, to make on everyone around them. As a party, or an excuse for one, sure, fine. But to put oneself up like that, to throw oneself a bash as both host and guest of honor, seems to me deeply offensive, if socially sanctioned, even expected. Even non-bridezillas are guilty of self aggrandizement and egotism. Guests should always be guests, cared for and shown a good time, to any reasonable extent possible. We had to be there, and we were. But we felt the obligation keenly. With no recompense, and no enjoyment other than family peace.
Thing is, there is nothing the Happy Couple did that was anything other than Perfectly correct. Which is what I will say to them if ever asked. "It was perfect." In my book, an insult, but they won't ever see it that way, and it is a kind of truth.
I simply hate the current fashion for making the wedding day an old fashioned Hollywood Premier/ coming-out party. We are just not their audience, both of us leery of ceremony, and viewing public display with distaste. We are both shy folks, and deeply private.
We admitted to each other, after our own tiny wedding (seven people including ourselves and the officiant) that if ours had been any bigger, there was a good chance both of us would have ditched. Certainly both of us, since I would have been the only driver in the only car between us. We'd have stayed together, but skipped the Wedding. So, good thing we did it so small, since the marriage has worked out pretty well.
I do hate weddings.
I had our pictures of the event up within the week. Neenerneener.
I have come to fervently detest the whole idea of weddings as an event. The Bride's Day indeed. NO. No one but the bride really feels that way, it's an imposition, and a huge one, to make on everyone around them. As a party, or an excuse for one, sure, fine. But to put oneself up like that, to throw oneself a bash as both host and guest of honor, seems to me deeply offensive, if socially sanctioned, even expected. Even non-bridezillas are guilty of self aggrandizement and egotism. Guests should always be guests, cared for and shown a good time, to any reasonable extent possible. We had to be there, and we were. But we felt the obligation keenly. With no recompense, and no enjoyment other than family peace.
Thing is, there is nothing the Happy Couple did that was anything other than Perfectly correct. Which is what I will say to them if ever asked. "It was perfect." In my book, an insult, but they won't ever see it that way, and it is a kind of truth.
I simply hate the current fashion for making the wedding day an old fashioned Hollywood Premier/ coming-out party. We are just not their audience, both of us leery of ceremony, and viewing public display with distaste. We are both shy folks, and deeply private.
We admitted to each other, after our own tiny wedding (seven people including ourselves and the officiant) that if ours had been any bigger, there was a good chance both of us would have ditched. Certainly both of us, since I would have been the only driver in the only car between us. We'd have stayed together, but skipped the Wedding. So, good thing we did it so small, since the marriage has worked out pretty well.
I do hate weddings.
Labels: custom
Posted by Zhoen on Wednesday, August 18, 2010
10 comments:
What you say resonates. Many people feel a need to mark the occasions of the Hatches, Matches and Despatches in life in a way that is meaningful. Difficult to engage when so often one doesn't share the values and assumptions of those adhering to a particular convention.
I have three weddings to go to in the next two months. I am mostly ambivalent concerning weddings. Some are entertaining for watching the dynamic between the bride and groom and various family members. Others are plain in their non-variance with standard wedding fare.
For me it is the wedding games that I think are ridiculous and I would be happy to never see again.
http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r143/saintfu23/1c14123732.jpg
I am with you on weddings. Ours was tiny, too, with us doing the catering, in fact. Just a party, months after we first "eloped" with one good friend in attendance to act as the witness, and who supplied us with a delightful bottle of champagne to celebrate that part of the ceremony which was the most important to us: our wows to each other.
My daughter married in Aberystwyth registry office with four friends there- then she walked up Penglais Hill in all her finery (made herself, and made his suit too!) to the Students' Union where they had a twelve hour party, lunch tea and supper for various friends and family, changing faces as to who could come when. Lunch was bought in from a local veggie restaurant, everything else we all made.
A marvellous relaxed day and didn't cost a packet either
I think a wedding can be good or bad depending on the party. Some parties are fun, some are boring. As at any party, if you can find good conversation, good food, and some pleasant wine, it's a good party. Sadly, many weddings don't have these attributes. But the worst thing is when the bridal pair say in their invitation, don't send presents, just give us money. That is really tacky.
20th,
Oh, Moira and C's wedding was wonderful, full of friends and so much fun. Like the one
gz,
describes. The attitude is more like this, "we are so happy, come be happy with us."
Phil,
But, but, but, what about the Chicken Dance?
alembic,
Yup.
RtheS,
Hatches, matches, dispatches, love that.
Dylan got a kiss for that link.
I think the main reason I wouldn't want a stereotypical wedding is the person it would imply I was marrying.
I'd have thought not feeding you was not perfectly correct, unless I've misunderstood.
I don't care for those kind of weddings either, and that bride thing is pretty loathsome. Bridal wear doesn't even make most women look very nice IMO.
Lucy,
Not their fault we'd eaten so early. Family expectation that we do the photos, which we'd not planned on since we weren't in wedding party - which eliminated our window to find late lunch. Ceremony started late. Beer/wine, cheese/crackers laid out, and we pushed through the throng to get a few plates of, for the rest of our table. Found out after that the meal wasn't going to be served, but put out buffet style,starting at 60 minutes after the end of the ceremony. All their friends and her family seemed to be having a great time, standing around, outside in the sun, mingling, drinking.
But for those of us a bit older (FIL, MIL) who'd traveled that day (BIL,SIL, D & I) who don't drink (this side of the family being mormon), who were not handling the heat (D gone quite pale) and just aren't social butterflies (none of us) the lack of an actual meal was difficult. The caterers did bring us non-alcoholic wine quite graciously (I took over taking care of D's family) - which was very nice, if not nearly enough.
It really was all about the Bride and her large family, and the couple's friends. The small contingent of Groom's family were left out, not intentionally, but it did work out that way.
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