Prediction

I dreamed I was at work, and my mother called through the recovery room, left three messages. The forth time I was there, and talked with her. She was snide and critical, and I quietly hung up the phone. And apologized to the nurses there for her many calls - I don't know how she got the phone number. No anger, just resignation. Her number is blocked at home.

All the weather predictors were warning of a strong front to push through last night, with rain, snow, acute drop in temperatures. I checked the noaa site, in particular the animated map showing water vapor. The movement was there, but the moisture was not. I thought, well, how is it going to rain/snow if there isn't anything wet on the way? And indeed, although quite windy last night, and probably some places got very strong gusts, it never got that bad, it's not as cold as predicted, and there was no rain at all so far. Listen to the experts, but always look for yourself.

Disownment was a theme of my family growing up, right along with unconditional love. The irony was not lost on me. But I never considered it in terms of disinheritance, since I knew damn well there was no money, no estate, which never bothered me in the least. I knew I would work for my own income, send myself to college, everything I had would be mine. No, I saw disownment as exclusion from the family in emotional terms only. I think it is why I always kept as much of my heart in reserve as I could.

Remembering when I got the scar on my shin, playing with the older neighborhood children, moving a concrete catch for a downspout. I was perhaps 4, maybe 5. It slipped and scraped down my leg. My father panicked and my brother (maybe 12 or 13) took over, got me cleaned up, used all the band-aids to close the long wound. I sat on the toilet seat as he carefully washed and bandaged me, while the parent ranted uselessly outside the door. I thought my railroad of band-aids was rather wonderfully funny.

When I had my lip stitched up in the ER last year, D, who is quite squeamish and after his own medical encounters, very sensitive to these situations, sat holding my hand throughout. Didn't bother him at all, because, he said "it's for you."



Ok, it's snow/raining now. Day late, inches short.