Restoration

Woke well after a solid night of sleep, with my humor restored and a clear path before me. The fog inside my head has lifted. Some of my physical symptoms were the usual cyclical/hormonal ones of this phase of my life - exacerbated by all the oldfamily regurgitation. Talking with Eldest Brother (EB) was the right choice, as I had a less emotionally fraught relationship with him, and my bullshit meter always worked better. The needle pegged when he expressed dismay that the other brother hadn't notified me.

"Well, it wasn't for lack of trying!"

I did not say, "Yes, it was." What he would have been correct saying was, "Well it wasn't for lack of a half-assed thinking about trying." This is where D is my sanity salvation, since he immediately laughed when I told him what EB said. "That's crazy." Yup. If our mother was the one who died, would they have done as little, shrugged, said "we tried?" I expect so.

And I thought, again, about talking with my mother, and I still have no desire to hear her take on all of this. And I have nothing I want to say to her. I would not be re-establishing contact, just expressing condolences - once. Which would be misleading. I am not prepared to talk with her regularly, unless we clean up the old lies and evasions - which is way more work than it could ever be worth. There is no satisfaction to be had, I am not going to play that game. It's not fun, and no one ever wins. Rather like Monopoly.

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The ukelele class was excellent. Instructor told us never to practice, only play. By the end of class, got us through Over The Rainbow together, and it sounded pretty good, with three of us singing* the words - rather sweetly if I may say. Couldn't get to the G in time, but I got most of the A chords, and all of the Ds, strummed my way though. The one young Asian woman (Chinese perhaps?) for whom English was obviously a second language, struggled, and he asked her if she knew the song. Well, no, actually. Cultural assumptions will get you every time. Instructor suggested she get it on iTunes, the rest of us chimed in, "Youtube, for free."

It was warm and welcoming, and we sounded lovely. Partly because as we came in, he tuned each uke. D tuned mine up before I left, which was nice. This morning, I remembered less than I hoped, and my hand cramped right up, but I could make it sound good. I'll play more.





*Definitely the Wizard of Oz, Judy Garland version.