Grief
Long, long ago, I had a friend, O. I don't know that I was a good friend to her, although I certainly tried. When I found D, he loved her as well, as she seemed to love him back. But for reasons never explained, she withdrew from both of us, and I could do nothing but accept this. Right before we went to Boston, O's sister, also a peripheral friend to us, was in the ICU, and we spent much of our last month sitting by Ida's side. When we got back, D ran into O once at the library, and it was all very civil, even warm, but nothing followed. Likewise, we met again at a Library function, since her other sister works there as well as D, and it was convivial, and she made no further contact. We lived two blocks away from her.
Our friend Dave was her mother's IT consultant, so when her mom died this month, Dave told us. We showed up at the memorial, to be good people, supportive, to pay our respects to her mother who was A Woman To Be Reckoned With. Not knowing if we would be of any use, but adding our pebbles to her tomb, as it were.
And although we expect to continue to be outside of her circle, we seemed to provide her some comfort today. Hugs, and a few subtle tears, old stories, a couple of stones from the chest, remembrance. She has not just lost her mother, a difficult woman by all accounts, but her father - poisonous but brilliant apparently, her uncle, and first of all her sister Ida - whom we all loved, and whose death we only heard of much too late. All within the last couple of years. With, from what she told us today, legal issues of great intricacy. Which follows, who knows who left what to whom, in what order, and now the daughters remaining have to sort through it all. A tsunami of grief and loss. Dave showed up while we were there, which lightened the mood somewhat. They talked Macs and IT for a short while, which seemed to delight the non-computer-connected O.
A half hour, only that. Did not want to get in the way. Not about us. We just wanted her to know we still cared, still think about her.
Our friend Dave was her mother's IT consultant, so when her mom died this month, Dave told us. We showed up at the memorial, to be good people, supportive, to pay our respects to her mother who was A Woman To Be Reckoned With. Not knowing if we would be of any use, but adding our pebbles to her tomb, as it were.
And although we expect to continue to be outside of her circle, we seemed to provide her some comfort today. Hugs, and a few subtle tears, old stories, a couple of stones from the chest, remembrance. She has not just lost her mother, a difficult woman by all accounts, but her father - poisonous but brilliant apparently, her uncle, and first of all her sister Ida - whom we all loved, and whose death we only heard of much too late. All within the last couple of years. With, from what she told us today, legal issues of great intricacy. Which follows, who knows who left what to whom, in what order, and now the daughters remaining have to sort through it all. A tsunami of grief and loss. Dave showed up while we were there, which lightened the mood somewhat. They talked Macs and IT for a short while, which seemed to delight the non-computer-connected O.
A half hour, only that. Did not want to get in the way. Not about us. We just wanted her to know we still cared, still think about her.
Labels: friends
Posted by Zhoen on Saturday, September 17, 2011
4 comments:
It sounds as though the right thing to do turned into the right thing.
ER,
I most sincerely hope so.
you were there when she needed you, even if she couldn't ask
A simple and beautiful act of kindness and thoughtfulness! I think it's not about being in or out of the circle. It's about touching the circle.
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