Bit

Question over at mentalfloss about earliest memories. I suspect they are only interested in happy ones. I have a clear, confirmed memory, from when I was 10 moths old. Documentable, because it was Aunt Madeline*'s wedding. My mother only spoke about it in a negative, I knew something had happened, but had no idea when the wedding happened. It was Not To Be Spoken Of. She never connected this memory with that event, for me, or perhaps in her own mind.

I remember being wrapped up, the air very cold, put in a crib-like contraption between my brothers, who seemed to be acting strangely. Something was wrong with my father, and my mother was very upset. My brother was able to confirm these images, when we were both adults. He and the other brother had been draining unsupervised glasses at the reception, and our father was smashed. Father insisted on driving, as usual if he were drunk - which thankfully didn't happen often. And our mother came unhinged when he did.

Today, I had a happy moment. A rep introduced himself, I took in his name, then realized it was the ex's name. And I did not react inside. It was like an old sore spot, then someone pokes it, and you realize, it does not hurt anymore. Better than the first time this year when I bit into an apple, and my teeth felt fine, all healed and well.

*Our father's sister, one year younger. He was held back starting school, so she wouldn't be alone. THAT kind of fucked up family. He insisted on a birthday cake for her birthday the next day, at his wedding. Mom told me about that story. Aunt Madeline was damaged in different ways.