Recommence, a repost.

The commencement speech I would have like to have heard.



(Remind them how old you are)

Don't listen to anyone just because they are older than you. This includes this statement. If I've been down the road you are starting out on, I may be able to lend you a map. Chances are, though, you will be on a different path, going in a different direction, and all I'll be doing is confusing you. Not to mention, I was 33 when I graduated, and felt old. I am here now, with no sense of being older. It's all illusion, now is still now.

Age does not grant wisdom. Rather like school, it's only the opportunity for you to teach yourself. More years just means more chances, which many people squander. Just by looking, it's hard to tell which ones. Simple success, the trappings of money, position, acclaim, are no guarantee of comprehension. Luck plays a huge part. Getting older is inevitable, only avoid dying.

But when you get along in your own years, you may well want to share your insights with those younger than yourself as well. Keep it short.

Or just reassure those who are on their second decade that progress often takes longer than expected. There is no script, there are no guarantees, you may have the wrong map. Despite what the student loan letters tell you, the most expensive lessons don't come from them.

They come in that shattered moment when you get a phone call in the middle of the night, or you have to call your spouse to say you've broken yourself, or your child's doctor approaches you with a grim face. There's been a fire, the police are at your door, the universe has upended on you. This is when you find out who you really are, who you love, what really matters. These, not graduations or weddings or celebrations.



(Lower expectation)

You can do better than you fear. You must take what you get, and treasure it. Nothing is certain except that discontented pickiness will ruin your life no matter how well you do. Be grateful for what really matters, food, health, roof, job, friends, love. Really grateful. Take none of it for granted.


(Follow their hearts)

Don't dream a dream, follow your hearts, wish upon stars. Get your hands dirty, do the job in front of you, and wake up. Dream jobs and dream homes and dream loves, will all include nasty bosses, and broken sewer pipes and diarrhea.

This is your life you are working for, and the weeds and scrapes, leaks and stinks, are part of it, not to be avoided. Take pride in how you handle the worst days, that's where we live, that is what counts. The vacation, the smooth water, that's just to give us a chance to gather our wits, breathe for a bit, then off we go again. Enjoy it all.

You will learn far more as you go, from each experience, than you ever have from dreaming or theorizing.

Just, don't cultivate chaos. Drama is for the stage, keep the reality, the one inside, balanced. Take care of the paperwork immediately, never put off the prep work.

(Remind them it’s not easy)

I remember being told these are the best years of your life. And all I could think was, this is as good as it gets? Being a kid, having no say, sucked. For those of you with happy families, this may not ring true. For those of you coming out of less privilege, or just less emotionally functional backgrounds, which I suspect is the majority, get help. Get help now, get help when flotsam surfaces when you are 30 or 50, whenever you find yourself flailing, get help. If you break a bone or rupture a spleen, you get medical help. If your heart has holes from the people who should have loved you, tried and failed to love you, or just failed you, and one day you fall into that hole, get help.

If your parents are still trying to run your life, don't consider this a favor. Do what you need - to be the adult in your own life, it's the only one you get, firmly, politely, kindly, without blame or anger, absolutely live it.

If you are living your authentic life attentively, it should feel wonderful, satisfying, exhausting and vibrant all together. Hard is not the main component, just the struts.

(Tell ‘em a secret)

There is no secret to life, only a lot that has to be lived to be understood, and is impossible to put into words. Although everyone keeps trying.


(Be profound)

Anger and blame are choices, and are always bad ones. Choices like heroin, they feel good in the moment, then take your soul in the end. If you believe nothing else, believe this. Or, don't believe, check out the research, even better.


(Keep them humble)

Some of you need to be reminded you are not perfect, you don't know how much you don't know. Eh, enjoy it, won't happen often. Some of you need to be reminded that you actually know a lot more than you think, and with a little practice, you will be fine. Just remember, stupid people overestimate their intelligence. Smart people underestimate it. Adjust accordingly.

Forward in all directions.