My mother called, D didn't recognize the number so didn't answer, but I called right back. Better that way, with voip I don't pay long distance, which took a bit to convince her. She told me when she'll be moving to Texas, near her oldest son, next month. And I spoke to her as I would a nervous patient, kind, calm, lightly joking, reassuring. As we spoke, I began to realize my only decent choice was to use this as an opportunity for grace, for both of us. Expect nothing, pour out gentleness.
I do think she should get online, if only because it has become nearly as important as having a telephone was when I was small. A way to keep up with her grandchildren by email. I could send her photos. But there is time, and no need to run ahead. Let her settle, find her new reality for a while, first. I'll have to get SIL & brother ok with it as well, since they will have to do the hook up and support, although I will send the macbook if so.
No one's fault. No one to blame. Nothing needing to be done. Nothing owing, everything entire.
3 comments:
Sounds like you're playing it by ear very well.
Your intuition appears to be intact.
Gentleness and generosity seem to be good for your soul.
I had a falling out with my family when I was in my early twenties. It was entirely my fault. I was an impossible only child tortured with insecurity and not nice to be around. After a break where we had limited and distant contact we started to build things again. We did it by taking nothing for granted and treating each other with the respect due a stranger. It worked, and we became as close as those two generations ever could be.
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