Watching a show about volcanos. And wish I'd felt confident enough to go into hard science when I was young, and had a scholarship, and been brave enough to risk failure. Because I think I'd love to be doing meteorology or vulcanology or geology. The arithmetic would be less critical now that computers do so much of the grunt work. I watch and read and feel rather dull that I can only grasp so much, the ideas, the principles, but not the details, at this point. When I was 19, I could have, if only I'd had to. The ideas certainly caught me then, but the nuts and bolts seemed beyond my abilities, given my difficulty with pinning down numerals.
I think we teach children backward when it comes to mathematics. It should be a different class from arithmetics. One to make change for groceries and measure for paint, one to understand scientific principles. My own discalcula with numbers barred me from the rest, which I adored once exposed to them. By then, I'd missed the scientific boat.
Courage came late into my life. Welcome, nonetheless, yes. This isn't real regret, just a passing wistfulness.
Found a few fellow students from the theater program, (that bad fecesbook habit of mine.) One ignored my 'friend' request, and fair enough. Who knows what kind of creep I may have turned into, or how irrelevant I ever was to her. The second I simply wrote to, with a "glad you're alive, that is all." I expect nothing back. I certainly don't like who I was then, and that's all they have to go on. I want them to know that their younger selves are remembered kindly.
Not sure what to call this impulse, to pat a back from long ago and far away. Not nostalgia, those were not good times. Not even reminiscence, I can't even remember the last name of the one person from that time I would like to hear from. More along the lines of acknowledgment of the nudges that influenced me, however glancingly. I remember, and it made a difference of some sort.
All in all, I'm glad I took the paths I did. However lost I was, it all leads me here, and here is pretty good.