Moving so slowly,
Mind set to idle.
February molasses.
Up through the night, a rarity, and very annoying. I'm pretty useless with short sleep. Hamster-wheel thoughts.
Speaking of which.
Realized why I feel particularly bad about the lost friendship, I also have to stop the letters to the little girl. Which seems like a broken promise, as passed to me by my Aunt Evelyn. Guilt, but also relief, to be honest. I realized today that I want so much to pay back that kindness my dear aunt gave me, to be kind to a child in return.
However, this is not my gift.
I have never really loved a child. Treated them well, cared for them, yes, many small times, including professonally. Never really felt connected. Aunt Evelyn genuinely loved children, because they were children. I would never harm a kid, but I hold no affinity for the young. I respond to the sick, the old, anyone in crisis, the grieving... but rug-rats, - not so much. Little aliens. And this includes when I myself was a child, I did not like other kids, always preferring the company of adults - smart ones ideally, often adults who didn't much like children. In my peds rotation, I got a good grade from my clinical instructor - who commended my work, and suggested that I was "an adult nurse." I took her advice as it was meant, in good part, and seriously.
Everyone's nurse, nobody's mama. Probably best that way.
4 comments:
Hamster wheel thoughts. An accurate description
Sucks about being up through the night. Hopefully the next night will be better.
I've always been good with children and so far have been able to connect with them. Teenagers, on the other hand, are alien to me now. I remember what it was for me to be a teenager, but times are different - what teenagers have to deal with these days is different.
I enjoy peds or geriatrics, the middle ages not so much. There's plenty enough to go all around. I'm always thankful for nurses who enjoy taking care of adult patients, especially when I am one of them.
gz,
I think D came up with that, and I don't know if it's original with him.
Phil,
I'm very glad there are people with a soft spots for kids. I'm actually marginally better with teens. Partly because I deal with more of them in PACU (anesthesia recovery) than with small 'uns. They wake up in a dramatic and predictable way that I know how to deal with.
mbick,
Every nursing specialty has this, don't we? "Oh, man, I could never do *that*, so glad ~you~ can!" Surgery, hospice, neonatal, psych, home health, all take very different personalities.
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